Seeker of Truth and Reality

Paradoxical Queries

2012-01-02T14:44:00.003-05:00

I have decided, at least for now, to try to post more frequently with a much more "reactive" approach. Rather than a contemplative approach in which I waited for some leading, I expect to go ahead and write what I am thinking in response to what I read, etc.. Thus, for me the paradox of wanting to be thoughtful and contemplative while being responsive and "flow of consciousness" will be tested. The Query format of Friends is reflexive and open-ended. My style has always been one of asking questions which might assist others to find their own answers. However, for various reasons, a few of which I will give now, has led me to think about giving my own reflections and responses and letting the "chips fall where they may."
My physical limitations include some macular degeneration which makes it difficult to concentrate on reading closely for very long, neuropathy in my hands which makes my typing rely on a visual guidance of my fingers to the keys and some "missed" keys which require corrections or typos.
My mental/emotional limitations include a real frustration with the political "insanity" of the US selfishness, xenophobia, materialism and militarism at the expense of the poor, hungry, oppressed, etc. As a Friend, I am also frustrated by the "I am right and you are wrong" status of much of the "exchanges" that I see. I do not agree with the "anything goes" among Friends, but I absolutely disagree with those who follow a much more "Old Testament" faith, a literalist/fundamentalist view of the Bible, and seem to go against the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 25, and the Gospel story.

Quaker Communion

2011-12-21T21:30:00.002-05:00

I read an article entitled “Quaker Communion” (in the Feb.2012 Friends Journal) in which the author speaks about Quakers missing out onsomething and having “thrown the baby out with the bath water” by notparticipating in the sharing of the bread and the cup as communion. In my opinion what Friends did was totake the baby out of the bath water and celebrate its growth and participationin all of life. They saw keeping the “baby” in the bath water separates it fromfull presence in each of life’s activities not just in the sharing of the breadand the cup.

The one “communion” that I have participated in was with asmall group of people at a regular meeting of an early morning prayer group.Most of the individuals were from the Mennonite church that my family and Iwere attending during my time in graduate school. We often shared donuts andbrought our own coffee, but one morning Jeptha brought some sweet bread andsome juice. He asked that we share in communion with one another as we drankthe juice and ate the bread. After we had talked a little about the remembranceof Christ I mentioned that I was thankful that it was orange juice and notgrape juice since I would have had some difficulty with the symbolism. Jeptharemarked that he actually had intended to bring grape juice but, when hethought of my beliefs regarding communion, he had brought the orange juice.That provoked a very good discussion on the use of symbols and the true meaningof communion with one another and Christ.

My father remarked at one point that we “paused” at thebeginning of every meal, before we would partake in food and drink, not “inremembrance of” a past event nor to ask for the presence of Christ, but toremind ourselves that Christ IS present with us. Quaker Communion was not andshould not be a physical representation of a virtual or conceptual reality butrather a reality known “experimentally” through the all day, every dayexperiences we share with one another and Christ. I believe that it was thisform of communion that gave the early Friends much of their energy andexcitement that brought such a rapid growth and commitment among those whopartook of the reality of the “life blood” and body of believers.

In my opinion this makes Friends a very “difficult” or“peculiar” Religious Society to belong to. It seems easier to compartmentalizeand delegate some of the responsibility and authority for our “spiritual lives”to other people or actions. However, we are called to make every thought, word,and deed of our lives not as “if” we were in the presence of God but becausethe presence of Love, Light, or Christ is with us always and becomes our primemotivation.

QFF Meeting organization

2011-10-15T11:50:00.002-04:00

I have accepted the position of Clerk, at least pro tem, of the “Quarterly Meeting” of Quaker Faith and Fellowship, referred to as QFF. The current proposal is that we will have a Meeting for Business, also known as Meeting for Worship for Attention to Business, on Dec. 11.

It has come to me that maybe we need to ask some questions, some of which were addressed in the agenda to the first Meeting on 29th of 9th month, 2011, regarding our undertaking. We spent essentially all of our first meeting looking at the first question: Who should be considered members of the Meeting? There seemed to be no “sense of the Meeting” reached. (There also is a good deal of material in the past postings of QFF. These are extensive and instructive.)
Among the questions to be asked are: Who? When? Where? What? Why? How?

The following quotes from the QFF site spell out some of the intentions of the founders of this site with regard to some of these.

"Vision and mission require committed members. We call everyone 'member' who registers as user of this website."

"We don't require commitment in any particular form, but we do welcome members taking responsibility. And telling us which responsibility they take and how they think it
contributes to our vision and mission. So we can support each other in bearing the responsibilities chosen voluntarily."

Over the last 3 years there has been much discussion regarding QFF organization and "Future." I trust my additions might be helpful.

The earliest Friends apparently did not have an intention of forming a new sect and there were no requirements for being a “Publisher of Truth” as early Friends were called. Their intention was to form a community based on the experiences of a number of leaders who felt that everyone in the group could be a leader.
It is my sense that in many ways our intentions here are somewhat similar in that we are trying to establish an e-community with “open” membership based on the experience of the “Religious Society of Friends.” Thus the terms used are those from this experience. However, the means of communication, speed of “travel,” and commonality of location are “light speed” separated from the 17th and 18th century.
In my understanding, which certainly is not that extensive and is open to correction, early Friends met once or twice a week at a local “site,” often in the beginning a house, for Meeting for Worship. Then over the years, especially as the local groups grew in size, there began to be a need for a Meeting house which raised several business type questions. It was decided fairly early on that there needed to be Meetings for Business. These were to meet once a month, thus Monthly Meetings, and would consist of those Friends in a local area who could spend a day traveling to and from a location while devoting an extensive time in decision making on matters of business.
In addition, to keep “good Gospel order,” the Monthly Meetings in a given area would send representatives to Quarterly Meetings. These individuals were those who were “released” to be able to travel to a location and spend usually 7th and 1st days sharing Worship and Business. This was before 5 day work weeks. It required overnight arrangements, as well as release from home, farm, and work duties, etc. Then once a year, thus Yearly Meetings, representatives would travel to a central location, e.g. London, for generally a week of Meetings for Worship and keeping “good order” among Friends.

Some in QFF are proposing that we establish a Meeting that might serve a new and somewhat different function, although maintaining some of the older functions as well, among an e-community of Friends. I have some proposals of varying ideas as to how this might work and will share those in future posts. I will also suggest ways in which we can ask the Who, What, etc. questions, the most important one might be Why.

The Light

2011-10-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Having been requested to describe my understanding of the Light, this was a very "quick" and off the "top of my head" response. There is much more that I could write but felt this was a reasonable place to stop.

The Light

It is difficult for me to use language other than New Testament and Friends language since this is the language of my father who was my spiritual guide and mentor even though he really never acted or talked in any other way than a father to me. He was a pastor and I spent many Sundays listening to his sermons but they didn’t mean a great deal to me until my adult years when I would visit. Mostly I remember the care that he took everyday, all day to express love, not a noticeable evident love. I don’t remember hugs in our family but I do remember smiles and looks that carried a humble “pride” and inward joy. I especially noticed these when my father looked at his grandchildren. For me these smiles and looks carried love in a very powerful way. I learned that “God is Love” was not just a powerful metaphor but somehow carried some of the most powerful human aspirations and realities.

In addition, my father introduced me to the Bible, writings of early and modern Friends, and Christian thinkers. I came to believe that there was truth in the concept of the “Light that was enlightening everyone,” “Inward Light,” etc. I went through a period in which I found it difficult to talk openly about the Light as “Christian” when I struggled with Friends who stated that anyone who did not believe in the Bible and Jesus Christ as they knew him was condemned to Hell and were somehow unworthy of our love. This very exclusive belief emphasizing guilt and fear seemed very foreign to the Light of Faith, Hope, and Love with the greatest of these Love.

My vision of the Light envisions a concept/idea/reality that is accessible to all persons. The manifestation can be seen/heard/felt/believed by persons who have never heard the story of Jesus nor the name Christ. However, as humans we each tend to become self focused and strive to understand Right/Wrong from our own perspective without openness to others. This is for me one of the meanings of the Genesis stories in which Adam and Eve are described as wanting to have the knowledge of Good and Evil for themselves, prompting the question “Where are you?” Similarly, Cain in striving to have his interpretation of the “best” sacrifice being recognized even to the extreme of killing his brother seen as a rival is asked “Where is your brother?” These two stories demonstrate the building of barriers to the Light that we all are susceptible to. These barriers create “oceans of darkness,” but the darkness cannot put out the light, only prevent its experience. As the barriers between each other are broken down we help build down barriers to the Light. As we work at, or probably more accurately, allow the work to occur, breaking the barriers to the Light itself overcomes the ocean of darkness.

For me the Gospels are the heart of my understanding of the Light, but find the illumination in many other writings from different religions and writings, from ancient right up to contemporary writings.

eMeeting

2011-10-11T23:17:00.001-04:00

In the online forum quakerfaithandfellowship (QFF) there is an attempt to start an organized Meeting, tentatively labelled a Quarterly Meeting, of those related to QFF. The following is what I just posted on that forum. I am planning on posting about our exploring some of what we do as we attempt to establish a unique virtual eMeeting on a global scale. Some of the "leaders" of this forum are Dutch, Irish, British, New Jerseyan, Marylander, etc.

"Having had a number of econversations since my Oct. 4 original "acceptance" of the clerkship of the next Quarterly Meeting of QFF tentatively scheduled for Dec. 11 (I believe that is the current proposed date) I find that I am "again" led to accept the position of Clerk pro tem. My intent over the next couple of months is to provide some of my understanding of the organization of Friends Meetings and the function of a clerk. As with much of my understanding of Friends procedure, we are ALL in this together. I trust that any of you that have questions, comments, suggestions, etc. will share them and I will attempt to respond to the best of my ability and possibly share some of the historical/traditional Friends views on the subject of "organization."

I trust we can go forward with the Light that is given to each of us.

In Peace and Friendship,

Tom Smith

PS. I think it is very important that we all recognize the newness and fairly unique venture of an eMeeting that we are undertaking. Not only in the Virtual world but also in a truly global setting.

Discouragement

2011-08-30T17:49:00.002-04:00

I have not posted for quite a while, and have finally decided to share some of my feelings about why. I have been pretty strongly discouragement. I will outline these and POSSIBLY expand on these subsequently.
1) Neuropathy- I feel very little from the waist down. I have "no reflexes." I have pain from time to time when my foot touches other objects and at other random times. I have limited feeling in my hands. All of this is not nearly as discouraging as the fact that I have seen a good neurologist and three specialists from the U of Minnesota. Several MRIs and electromyographies show that my issues are NOT MS, Peripheral Neuropathy, brain related neuropathy, spinal cord neuropathy, etc. Thus it has been labeled idiopathic with no diagnosis and no prognosis. I have difficulty walking and am concerned that my mobility will be further inhibited, but I DON'T KNOW.

2) Quaker blogosphere - It is very disheartening to read that the "Liberal" wing of Friends is "disowning," if not literally at least metaphorically, Christian and "traditionalist" Friends while the Evangelical, or as I tend to think - Fundamentalist-Protestant, wing isgoing further and further from what I consider Friends basics.

3) Friends Meeting - Even though I have attended the current Friends Meeting for over a year on at least a semi-regular basis and have actually risen to share a message on at least half a dozen times, I still am not "approached" by members and on the rare occasion when some one does greet me, I am treated as a complete stranger. I have not been approached by any of the "leaders" of the Meeting to inquire about a rather regular attender.

4) Children and Grandchildren - Because I am not as mobile or energetic as I would like my interaction with my two grandchildren is much less than I would like it to be. We haven't seen our other children or grandchildren since last December, largely because of health and financial issues.

5) Financial issues - We are doing reasonably well right now with being able to meet our obligations such as rent, food, eating out, clothes, etc., but should anything happen to incapacitate either one of us and we would need more care than now, I do not know how we would pay for that. We have about 2 months "reserve" in savings at our current level, but that would probably last only one month at a higher rate. We really don't want to be dependent on our children as my mother was dependent on her children.

etc.

Hiroshima Remembrance

2011-07-21T19:57:00.003-04:00

The Rain

The land was hot,

The air was hot,

The people prayed for rain

To wash away the remnants of death.

Their prayers were answered,

Big, dark rain clouds covered the sky.

The welcome rain came down,

Thick, black, tarry raindrops

Fell from the clouds,

They burned holes in whatever they touched,

Flesh, wood, stone, steel.

People screamed and ran indoors,

To find no roofs on the rubble.

The rain continued day and night,

Sleep was impossible,

There were too many screams.

Then after several days

Of Chinese water torture,

The clouds rolled away,

To take their terror somewhere else.

Scott Smith

10^th grade poetry assignment, 1982

Nonviolence

2011-07-15T16:54:00.001-04:00

In going through my father's papers I found this response to a similar question in 1975.

Sometimes we are stimulated to write a statement and lay it aside, then wish that we might share it. About three years ago I was part of a group conversation where pacifism and especially Quakers were being criticized and war was being justified. Someone made a forcible; "I guess the Quakers just want us to love 'em to death."

I made no reply because, although the statement was made for my "benefit," it was not made directly to me. I am glad that I did not get into an argument. However, I remember how that statement stayed with me. A few days ago I came across a written reply, mainly made to myself. This I want to share just as I found it:

"We are not asked to love 'them' (enemies) to death. We are asked to love them to life, but that means a cross and who wants to be crucified? I don't want to be anymore than you do, so I go along with the ways of the uncommitted or partly committed in putting bad guys (thieves) on crosses, creating Calvaries all over the world. But if we look, I think we will see that with them hangs the very Son of God whom we continually crucify with our ways of violence."

Hyphenated Friends

2011-06-07T12:11:00.002-04:00

I have been in a very "dry" spell recently. Some of that related to health issues but much of it related to a sense of feeling insulated from Friendly dialogue. It is not an "isolated" sense because with the blogosphere, facebook, Meeting, etc. there are several points of contact with Friends. However, in many cases these contacts seem superficial and merely social. In other cases, it appears that I seem to come across as "esoteric," "too intellectual," "combative," out of touch, not aware, etc. I have felt a distinct lack of meaningful dialogue at a level that is not "purely theological," nor at a level that is "purely political." This may well be my own failing in communication, writing "style," etc., but for whatever reason, I have felt "stopped" for doing much writing or sharing from my own initiation.

One of the "stops" for me has been my physical limitations which have prevented our traveling to see friends, family, FGC (which this year is just a very few hours away with a brother leading a workshop), FUM (which this year is very near one of our sons and his family, my wife's entire family including her mother whom we haven't seen for over a year), several good f/Friends), Yearly Meeting, etc.

What prompted this posting was a posting by Micah Bales on the ESR blog regarding Great Plains Yearly Meeting. I was prompted to post the following response:

Thanks for this post Micah. Although I was not directly involved in the Native America "missions" in Oklahoma, my uncle and family were very much involved and I heard much about Hominy while I was growing up.

One of the things that struck me, having grown up in Friends missions in Jamaica and Kenya, at the time both British colonies, is the reference to British linked culture. In both Jamaica and Kenya I observed a real reluctance on the part of some/many American missionaries to identify at all with the local culture. It seemed very evident that the intent was to "Americanize" (not make British) Friends. The African Friends seem to have adopted/adapted the American Evangelical pattern rather than the British Quaker pattern.

Although I fully respect and honor those who adopt Plain clothing as a witness to their "Quakerism" (I understand that it is more of a calling from the Lord for many rather than a "Quaker thing," but am just sharing an observation) I wonder what message this sends to those of other cultures than those with a 19th century American Quaker (Pennsylvanian) awareness.

I also wonder how we can deal with the diversity of Friends in an appropriate manner. I wonder how we can celebrate diversity without losing commonality. This issue is being "fought" in several YMs "as we speak." Just a few "hyphenated" examples:
Native American-Quaker
Universalist-Quaker
Homosexual-Quaker
Pagan-Quaker
Nontheist-Quaker
Sacramental-Quaker
etc.

I do not have answers, but I believe we must openly address some of these issues, such as those you raise, and I am grateful that you initiated some of that with your post.

This I believe II

2011-03-20T23:26:00.002-04:00

My grandfather, Omer Smith, summarized my belief on the "after-life" quite well when he said: "I am not concerned about going to a better place when I die, but rather that I leave this place better for my having been here."

I do not believe that a future threat of punishment or promise of reward is what the "kingdom of God" is all about. I believe that the kingdom of God is here and now as we do the will of God. The will of God has to do with Mercy, Justice, and most of all Love. If we do not express love through our actions toward ALL, we are not living in the Kingdom. I believe that the "kingdom" is when we express our love for each other by sharing our "coats" if we have more while others have none, by sharing our food when we have more while others have none, by sharing our "freedom" when we have more while others have less, etc.

to be continued

This I believe

2011-03-19T17:36:00.000-04:00

With much discussion occurring about heresy, convergence, tradition, emergence, etc. and a strong sense that I don't seem to have much of a place in RSOF nor its "discussions/disagreements/advances/etc." anymore, I have been sorely tempted for some time now to withdraw into a "Quietist" period. However, some things/ideas/leadings seemed to "click" tonight and I am planning to try and just share some fairly simple straightforward statements as to what I believe that compels me to stay involved in the RSOF. Some will include analogies/metaphors which will try to give some clarity.

I) I believe that all people have an innate ability to relate to God and regardless of the terminology, culture, religion, etc. this may lead them to God. (It is as if we all had a compass which anywhere on the earth would point in a given direction. If we follow that direction we will arrive at God. There are many local deviations and false magnets which must be avoided, but these are secondary to the over all, what I call, field of love and light.

Oppression/Liberation

2011-03-07T11:03:00.002-05:00

I wrote this for an online course in "Liberation Theology" and thought I would share it, even though some is not new. The "assignment" was to tell one's own story regarding oppression/liberation.

"I will start with two stories from "childhood" that speak to somewhat subtle oppression which was not seen as oppression by those doing the oppression.

As a child in Jamaica we had a cook that was treated as a member of the family. This was not unusual to me since my grandmother's sister, "Aunt Ruth", stayed with my grandparents and did much of the housework since my grandmother was diabetic and had severe arthritis that limited her physical abilities. We thought of "Vicki" in much the same way and her son was like a cousin. However, when another "missionary" family came, it was obvious they could not understand how we could treat people "like them" (They were quite "black" being descendants of the African slaves that were brought to Jamaica) as close friends, let alone relatives. The way in which this family treated someone who they supposedly "loved and came to help" was obviously demeaning and "oppressive." It clearly hurt Vicki and her son. My parents didn't say much to me, I was 8-9 yrs old, except that we needed to continue feeling the way we did about Vicki regardless what others said or did. The theology that I saw lived was that we fed the poor, clothed the naked, treated everyone as our friend, etc. No distinction was made due to color of skin, etc.

The second incident was in Kenya where my father was named interim "head" of Friends Africa Mission in Kaimosi. We moved in to the "big" house. It was soon evident that Africans didn't come to the front door. When asked why this was, the answer was that Africans who were known in the mission came in the side door, but that any African who was not known and especially those that worked in the household as cook, "yard worker," etc. were allowed to only come to the back door. It was very quickly made known that anyone was welcome to come through the front door of the house. I also knew missionaries who spoke of the Africans as basically less than human but worthy of help especially to "save their souls," but unless they accepted the practices of whites they were not to be accepted in any "social setting."

It was very difficult for me to understand why Christians didn't take the words of the Gospels as "instructions on how to deal with people. Was this was even true of those who seemed to be dedicating their lives to helping people understand "Christ."

I have had a number of other interactions that seem to make as little sense as those situations did since then, but have tended to be less obvious. One thing I learned from a graduate school friend who was a Black (his term in 1969-72 although he was relatively light skinned) from Atlanta, GA. We were students at OSU in Ohio and he insisted he would return to the South where it was clear where people stood with their attitude to Blacks. In the North people had the same attitudes but tried to hide their feelings or refused to deal with their feelings. I will try to mention some of those soon."

Queries for education

2011-02-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

Queries for Education

Quaker Queries (education)

*****Originally a set of queries adapted or developed for Moorestown Friends School.
I. Friends Testimonies and Concerns:
A. Are there common Quaker values or principles that Friends wish to foster in a VFS?
B. Is there a common affirmation of our Quaker faith and experience that is represented by a corporate commitment?
C. How do we strive to convey the importance of individual truth through that of God in each of us while maintaining the corporate nature of Friends convictions and commitments?
D. How does this commitment to Friends faith and practice apply to institutions that consist largely of non-Friends?
E. How can Friends resist being all things to all persons without becoming any thing to anybody and thus nothing that can be identified as unique or committed to anything?
II. Within a Friends School;
A. How can we develop a truly supportive relationships between the meetings and churches and a VFS?
B. How can administrators, faculty/staff become united toward creating an intentional caring
community with Meeting for worship as the center?
C. How can we meet the needs of Non-Quaker and Quaker students alike in becoming more accepting without compulsion or indoctrination?
D. How can Quaker principles be brought to bear on each aspect of a VFS?
E. How can Non-Quaker and Quaker administrators and faculty/staff be oriented to Quaker practice?
F. How is our commitment to Friends testimonies and concerns diminished by competitive recruiting practices, financial problems, pressures to conform to society, and pressure to give up corporate traditions and principles for immediate concerns?
III. Personal:
A. What am I willing to do personally to help create a more concerned community of teaching and learning at a VFS?
B. Am I careful to avoid the busy-ness of the institution to care for individuals?
C. What do I do to make the teaching of the school an experiential development of truth?
D. How do I demonstrate that I have learned to maintain my own personal quietness and commitments to family and personal growth?
E. Is personal growth a way of life for me that is evident to those around me, especially the students, or is it just something I say is important?
F. Do I encourage every member of the community, especially students, to develop those talents and gifts that have been given to the individual regardless of the level or extent of those gifts in order to reach the potential of each person?
G. How does my personality and actions reflect the Quaker values of integrity, compassion, simplicity, equality, commitment and courage?
*****Meeting for Learning Queries; (from "Meeting for Learning" by Parker Palmer.)
Do I come to learning prepared for a genuine meeting between myself, other persons, ideas and texts?
Do I try, in teaching and learning, to stay close to what I know experientially, and do I take care to ask the same of others? Am I willing to devote the energy necessary to engage my whole self in the learning process, and especially to cultivate those aspects of myself which are underdeveloped? Do I take full advantage of the community of learning by sharing my insights with others, and by willingness to test myself against their experiences? Do I help foster the learning community in this way? Do I appreciate that the consequences of learning will be different for different people, and am I open to unexpected consequences for myself? Do I accept the possibility that meeting for learning may change not only my mind but my life?

To Whom do we Listen

2011-01-28T14:44:00.003-05:00

To Whom Do We Listen?

by Tom Smith

Quaker Life, March 1979, p.19

You have heard that it has been said, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you that you resist not evil, but whosoever shall build up their nuclear weapons, take down all your defensive weapons. And if any man will sue you at the law to obtain open housing, offer your help in buying him a house in your neighborhood. And whosoever shall compel you to work eight hours a day, work for him conscientiously even if it takes nine hours to finish the job. Give to him that asks for welfare and from him who needs your help to live a full life, turn not away. You have heard that it has been said, America, Love It or Leave It and Hate the Communists. But I say unto you: Love the Cubans and Russians, and pray for those people who seem bent on the destruction of your world. That you may be the children of your heavenly Father."Paraphrased interpretation of Matthew 5:38-44.

You have heard it said that we need to put ourselves first, to be number one, "I deserve the best, after all I'm worth it." "I've worked hard for my money, I deserve credit for that." "We need to get used to the finer things of life here on earth, we will have them in heaven." But the Spirit of Christ says, "Be servants one to another." "The first shall be last." We should be more concerned that this world is better when we leave it than that we will be going to a better world. It is not that Friends are against heaven but that the Kingdom of God is here and now and Christ is King.

You have heard it said "They run the church." "I didn't get a thing out of the service today.""They changed the order of service and I didn't like it." "I don't like it when they pick new hymns, I have to concentrate on the words too much." But the Spirit of Christ says to come to meeting prepared to participate, not spectate. Unless we participate we are like those of whom the prophets spoke, "The Lord despises your worship services and songs." Friends were not against sermons, there was a lot of preaching during "silent" meeting. Nor were they against music, but they were for listening to Christ, meeting Christ as the head of their fellowship, thinking of the words that were shared and the meaning of these words. The church of today must be the strong clear voice of Christ and not only a weak echo of society.

You have heard it said "Let us wear good (or is it fancy?) clothes to church to show our respect for God." But the Spirit of Christ says unto you, "The Lord despises your pretense at pleasing Him by wearing special clothes and having 'Sunday best' when those clothes or that money could be providing clothes to those who have none." Friends are not against colors, lapels, ties, or fancy clothes, but they are conscious of waste at all levels because we are stewards of all God gives us, not just ten per cent or one day a week.

You have heard it said, "Cut back on taxes so we don't have to pay the cheats on welfare, the incompetent bureaucrats, etc." But the Spirit of Christ says unto you if the fellowship of Christians was carrying out the commandments, the government would not have to have large welfare rolls or a huge bureaucracy which complains about the billions of untax-able dollars hoarded by the church for its own security. Friends say stop spending tax money on the ability to destroy human life and concentrate on caring for each other by improving the life of all individuals regardless of color, language, country or belief.

You have heard it said, "Christ is coming again, what a glorious day that will be." "These are the end times." "Christ will change the world soon." But Christ is here. Christ has come to teach His people Himself. Christ brings us the power to change the world now. The greatness of His power to us is according to the working of His mighty power in Christ when He raised Him from the dead. It is not that Friends did not believe in the Second Coming, but they did believe and act on the Real Presence of Christ. The Spirit of Christ says that He does bring power over sins, but you must forgive to be forgiven and make your will be Christ's. Let Christ within you become the central power of life, not as a substitute for you, but as the enabler and guide. Then you will not only be a finder but also a seeker. You will begin to grow and continue to seek God's will. Christ brings a cup. The cup of
Radical Obedience. We must love all persons if we are to love Christ. We must forgive if we are to be forgiven. We must grow and continue to seek if we are to find and to be found.

Why my last posting

2011-01-21T11:29:00.003-05:00

My Life Review Part 1 was very "personal" and narrowly defined by my current physical state. I was literally somewhat surprised when I realized that. In thinking about the posting two aspects came to mind. The first is the way I often begin Meeting for Worship for me. I tend to get in touch with my physical state. The second is an "old" Friends story about speaking in Meeting.

In sharing with students in Friends schools about Meeting I often talked about Listening. I would speak of listening in three major ways.
The first is listening to self and this often begins by listening to one's body and what it is "saying." This could be in the form of pain, discomfort, tension, numbness or other sensation in a specific area. Once that has been "heard" it tends to be easier to move on to other aspects of what is on your mind. After listening to what is uppermost with your body and mind then, at times, deeper issues can be addressed.
The second way of listening is to others. This might take the form of thinking about the others that are with you in the room, but it can also take the form of remembering good times with family or friends or sad times. I also encourage the Listening to others that may be far away physically, to bring them with you into the Meeting. I often share that I think of my mother and father and what they taught me even though they have died many years ago. In that way I can still listen to them. This can be extended in many ways to what has been read, etc.
The third way of listening is to God/Spirit. In a school setting, I tried to share that traditionally in a Friends Meeting for Worship this was the main focus of Meeting. In a school Meeting where the great majority are not Friends, I invite the students to think about that but indicate that much can be gained by learning to Listen to themselves and to others in a way that opens communication.

The story about speaking in Meeting goes some thing like this. A member of Meeting for several weeks kept having images of other members during Meeting. The images were of what the other members were bringing with them to Meeting. The tanner seemed to always be carrying a load of leather; the tailor had a lap full of sewing; the farmer was loaded down with seeds and a hoe; and so on. Finally it seemed that he was led to speak about the foolishness of bringing the burdens of the week into Meeting. However, as the Friend tried to stand he found he was unable to and on examining why not, he, a cobbler, found that he was weighed down by the bag of shoes on his shoulder. Although the images are "old" the message is very current and ancient. It seems to be a retelling of the remove the "log" from your own eye before trying to remove the speck from an other person's eye. It also brings to mind all of the "baggage" that I carry with me in trying to be open to myself, others, and God.

Thus for me in trying to examine "where" I am, I somehow felt that I needed to examine my physical state and to look at some of the things that are "weighing" on me right now as I start to look at other issues and at my relationships with others. I am not sure where this will lead, but am determined to start on the journey. That seemed to lead to a first small step of self examination.

Life Review Part 1

2011-01-20T10:30:00.003-05:00

For various reasons I have been a rather reflective mood recently. It may be the influence of our first Minnesota winter, a record one at that, with large snow piles, some over 10 feet tall, having been present since about Thanksgiving, with fresh layers of snow occurring something like 15 out of the 20 days in the new year. However, I believe it has had more to do with my strong sense of "exhaustion." I use that term in the sense of the exhausting of resources. Referring in somewhat ascending order of importance, to financial, physical, mental, and emotional resources. In some ways these also include spiritual, but I find that seems to have a different "source" and needs to be examined in a very different manner.

The most "easily examined" is my physical health. I just underwent an angiogram, first since 2004, to update the status of my CAD and try to assess the nature of some current discomfort. The result showed that things are about the same as expected. Some slight, but not "significant," increase in arterial "blockage" with no intervention necessary. It was again confirmed that all 3 of the bypasses done in 1998 had failed relatively quickly. One didn't seem to "take" at all, a second failed between 3-13 months after the procedure, and the third was blocked for a year until it was corrected by a stent. The two stents placed in 2004 made a significant difference in my energy and stamina at the time and seem to be holding well. However, as was described at the time, the status does not seem to be "life shortening" but rather "only" limiting as to "activities." I think that just means I can't do as much as I might. let alone what I would like.

Since about the same time, 2004, I have been dealing with peripheral neuropathy. This started as some slight numbness on the soles of my feet. It was significant enough at the time that I underwent a battery of tests, which at first showed signs of MS, but further testing confirmed that it was not MS. The neurologist at the time indicated that he did not know what the cause was and was somewhat "stumped." I did have lesions/"scars" in the brain which had been the cause for the first assumption by the radiologist that it was Multiple Sclerosis (Scarring). Since then the numbness has been spreading up my legs and now includes my hands and lower arms. I visited a neurologist after our move to MN. His preliminary diagnosis was similar to the Oregon neurologist, "idiopathic" (sometimes I think "idiotic") which means "unknown cause." After further tests, including brain function, he indicated that the lesions on my brain possibly were unrelated to the neuropathy and may actually be residual effects of malaria that I had as a child in Jamaica. He referred me to a specialist at the U of MN with the earliest available appointment almost 4 month away. I finally saw the specialist and his first assessment was again "idiopathic," but he was intrigued enough that he asked if I would like to consider undergoing some further testing to possibly narrow down some aspects. The most likely "candidate" for cause may well be a form of auto-immune disorder, but there may not be any real clarification of cause or prognosis even with further tests. The one major "positive" analysis so far is that the neuropathy is almost entirely limited to sensory nerves and has not effected motor neurons. However, I still find it very discomforting that it seems like I have limited sensory function in the hands and arms as well as very limited sensory function essentially from the waist down.

The cardiac and neurological conditions produce physical and financial drains which are evident and of concern but are not the most "exhausting" of what I consider my most "valuable" resources. These conditions seem relatively minor compared to some of the mental and, to a much greater extent, emotional issues that "plague" me now. I will address some of these in my next blog.

Queries

2011-01-20T10:24:00.002-05:00

This was written 30 years ago, but remains essentially my response. However, as I have stated before, the way in which I might describe this has probably been modified over the last "half" of my life. This seems so long ago in many respects and yet my mind often seems to say that I am still 35 years old while my body says, "Not."

"I consider Christ the one true guide but recognize the need for other guides to assist as we live our lives on a daily basis. For this reason I appreciate the genius of the Query form. The Queries do imply a correct answer or authority but indicate the answers are within the person as Christ is with us in a creative freedom. The questions and helpful guides come from outside while the answers and one true guide are “within.” It is of no small importance to me that the record of just how the Queries were originally formulated is not readily available. The most thorough discussion of this that I am aware of is in a few pages of The Later Periods of Quakerism in which Rufus Jones states that Friends “slowly accumulated … a body of advices and Queries.” It seems that the earliest Queries were those which asked about the difficulties and growth being experienced within the Society.

“As fresh moral issues arose, and as the ‘testimonies’ of the Society grew defined

in relation to the practices of the world, the list of Queries enlarged. They grew

in number and importance until they embodied almost all the essential aspects

of the Quaker moral ideal, and they furnished a kind of silent confessional for each

individual member, as well as a moral measuring rule to guide the Overseers in

their work of looking after the flock.”

Search: 30 yr old conclusion

2010-12-22T20:12:00.000-05:00

The following is the conclusion to a paper exploring my “Search for Truth and Reality” in a course at ESR 30 years ago. Although I would probably compose this with examples in a very different way now, I still identify with what I wrote back then. It requires some understanding of the context of Britain and the Colonies 300 years ago, but the acceptance of universal truth and the reality of the unity of all people still “speaks my mind.”

It is clear that the earliest Friends utilized a question and answer format for discussing Quaker issues, for example Barclay’s Apology and Penington’s “Some questions and answers, showing mankind his duty.” One of the more expert practitioners of the dialogue format was William Penn. One of the reasons for this is that Penn had been trained at Oxford and truly seemed to enjoy the Socratic method with the give and take of hard questions and thoughtful responses. In many of his writings there is a strong sense of seeking which was evident among early Friends. “Truth never lost ground by inquiry, because she most of all is reasonable.”

In Penn’s “Holy Experiment” the balance between individual liberty and egalitarian government was explored. The creative tension between the two seemed to lead to the use of Queries in developing Quaker structure, even though “there was not, indeed, to human appearance, anything systematic in its formation.” A number of early Friends took a strong interest in Penn’s government and offered advice, if not corrections, to the plan. Penn’s recognition of the tension between individual liberty and corporate government is evidenced in the statement. “Liberty without obedience is confusion, and obedience without liberty is slavery.” Religious tolerance and individual freedom extended even to the point of not demanding others to join them but once having made the choice, a member was expected to submit to discipline. “They compel none to them, but oblige those that are of them to walk suitable, or they are denied.” While control and obedience were expected within the circle of Friends, the toleration other religions extended even to encouraging the establishment of other houses of worship in “Quaker territory.” The first American Roman Catholic Church was built in Philadelphia as well as one of the earliest Jewish synagogues.

Penn’s defense of individual freedom did not stop with religions but was an inclusive perception that extended even to philosophers and Gentiles. “The Gentiles believed that there was one God, that He enlightened all men with a saving light, that all men ought to live piously, that the soul is immortal, that there is an eternal recompense.” The individual freedom within subjection is addressed by Penn:

“Question: Ought I not to be left to the grace of God in my own heart?

Answer: That is of all things most desirable, since they are well left who are left there;

For there is no fear of want of unity, where all are left with the one Spirit of Truth.”

However, it is clear to Penn that there is a Unity of the Spirit of God. “It is only God, the only Lord of conscience, Father of Lights and Spirits who can enlighten the mind and persuade and convince the understanding of people.”

Search: Friends School

2010-12-16T22:25:00.001-05:00

In the spring of my second year at William Penn, I found out about a new position at Moorestown Friends School in New Jersey. This was the newly developed Chester Reagan Chair in Faith and Practice. It was a combination of secondary school teaching, curriculum development, and ministry to students and faculty. It was with a good deal of anticipation and happiness that my family returned to the east coast and to a new adventure in Friends Education.

During my first two years at MFS I spent a good deal of time reexamining many of the writings from early Friends and some new ones. However, the more I sought answers from others, the more I recognized that it is in asking the right questions that the right answer finds us. As I wrote in the school’s annual on the theme of mystery

The greatest mystery

Is in seeking Truth and Love

We become the found.

I determined that my spiritual guide needed to be that which had found me. In early Friends language, I had been found by Christ and I was leaving myself there. I marveled at the twists and turns that had occurred which led me to that point and had numerous questions. Is there A path, or is it more like a mansion with many rooms and doors opening among them. Are there answers, or is it that all questions can lead toward the answer. Is it my training in developing hypotheses and then asking questions to formulate a new hypothesis that contributes to my use of the question format in my seeking.

I also became aware of the need for correctives in my questioning. Two of the main ones are the writings of early Friends and the Queries. The use of William Penn’s Fruits of Solitude was helpful in recognizing the discipline of concisely stating mileposts along the way. I believe that too often we may not share what or who we have already found as we continue our search. We recognize that we have not found the final answers but we should share answers that we have found along the way or at least the markings that have guided us thus far. The Queries have been used as guides along the way which may be appropriately asked at very different times and places but which continually point in the direction toward which we should be tending.

Search: Major Change

2010-12-06T20:22:00.000-05:00

In the spring of 1976, I struggled with the challenges brought on by the loss of my father and a sense that full time administration in a large school system with little to no contact with students was not what I was called to do. One evening in early May Judy asked if I had seen the ad in the New York Yearly Meeting Newsletter regarding the campus minister position at William Penn College in Oskaloosa, Iowa. The ad listed Ed Hinshaw as the contact person for the search committee. Ed had been a colleague of my father’s in Kenya and I considered him a personal friend even though it had been almost fifteen years since we had had any personal contact. Without formal religious training beyond a couple of undergraduate courses with Hugh Barbour and Wilmer Cooper and a somewhat informal “extension” course with T. Canby Jones, I decided to apply. I was invited to visit and interview for the position. In a sense this was still under the guidance of my father and probably included a sense of wishing to follow more in is footsteps than my path had been up until then. This was further validated by one of the persons on the interview committee who stated when the question of my “training” was brought up “If you’ve been with Logan Smith for the number of years which you have, you must have as complete a Quaker education as anyone.”

My decision to accept the position was the stated opportunity to again join a small group of persons who were evidently serious students and proponents of not only education but of Friends. I believed that I would be able to serve as a Friends’ minister without formality in an educational setting with a shared sense of responsibility and the utilization of my gifts. The move involved decreasing our income by half and a major move from New Jersey to rural Iowa. However, it did allow Judy to complete her college degree that had been on hold while I pursued graduate school and subsequent school positions. She had taken major responsibility for the raising of our three children and providing a wonderful support for me through some difficult times.

However, within a year of my appointment, the campus ministry committee was disbanded by the firing of one member and the resignation from the college of another member. The resignation was in response to the removal of some sharing among the leadership group in the college. It again seemed that a consensus sharing was denied in favor of a more traditional authoritarian structure. I found myself turning to different sources for spiritual guidance. The writings of Rufus Jones, Howard Brinton and William Penn occupied a great deal of reading time. Keith Kirk, the pastor at College Avenue Friends, became a person to whom I turned to share in my search.

The struggles on an emotional and spiritual level continued to the point where I was diagnosed as “depressed” by the family physician. He said that it was almost a “given” with the changes in my life within a year: loss of father, major physical move, major career change, etc. During that period I also experienced a “mystical” event. One night in bed I felt a real sense of physical pressure on my body forcing me into a fetal position and then a releasing force to a relaxed position while an apparent “external” voice said “Lead them to the power.” I did not change my behavior or attitude as a result of these sensations, but rather felt that I was somehow being led to a change. I was coming to the realization that if I were to be true to the “Christ who has come to teach his people himself” and who “provides power to his people,” I had to continue my spiritual journey guided by a variety of sources which would enlighten my path. I began to expand my reading rather than follow any one person for very long and began to do some writing of my own in which I tried to formulate my own understanding of the spiritual journey. I also recognized the depth of the wisdom of early Friends in writing advices, journals and queries rather than doctrinal statements, “road maps” for others to follow, or creeds. I also began to recognize that I had to follow my own leadings and not try to live up to someone else’s expectations. This seemed to point toward secondary school teaching, especially in Friends schools.

Search: Crisis Experiences

2010-11-23T13:05:00.001-05:00

As we searched for a spiritual home among various Friends Meetings and other denominations in our new location in New Jersey, we quickly recognized a sense of “home” in a small unprogrammed Friends Meeting with an active Sunday School. Here I met someone who became a strong spiritual guide for me, Lewis Benson. I had read Catholic Quakerism in an “extension” course under T. Canby Jones and been impressed by the seriousness with which the early Friends were handled. Lewis did not wish to repeat the early Friends, especially George Fox, but rather to share their message as it speaks to the world today through our experience. In some ways he led me full circle back to my earliest guides of the early Friends, the prophets, and Christ in a way that liberated my reaction against the limiting language and experience of midwestern “Christian” orthodoxy.

The community of this meeting helped our family through a very difficult time when the small group of educators I had joined at Holmdel, NJ, was disbanded and a traditional authoritarian school structure was imposed. As I searched for a new position, emotional and spiritual support from the Meeting upheld our family. When I accepted a full time administrative position in a school district over an hour away from our home, it was with regret that we had to leave South Jersey. The position I applied for was Science Department Chair with some teaching, but when the State of New Jersey refused to accept the credentials of the older, both in terms of age and service, Department Chair who had been promoted to “Supervisor” with full time administrative duties, he had to return as Department Chair and I was appointed as Supervisor of Science and Math, as well as Physical Education. With my PhD courses and experience I held a “Supervisor” certificate from NJ while he did not have the certificate. I was fortunate that the previous Department Head was very gracious in the change and we quickly formed a friendship. However, it was unfortunate that within a few months he died of a sudden massive heart attack that some say was brought on by disappointment and “heartbreak” by the “demotion.”

Even with the physical move, it was several years before we slowly felt the distance from the Meeting grow in a spiritual sense. It was a year after we had moved that Lewis Benson and I were placed before the New York Yearly Meeting as recorded Ministers of Manasquan Monthly Meeting. The ties to this Meeting were so strong that in our new location we began to attend a Methodist Church and quickly became involved in the life of the Denville, NJ, church. One of the attractive features of the church was the statement on the cover of the weekly bulletin which stated “Ministers: Every member of the congregation.” The pastor chose not to use his authority but shared his spiritual guidance and challenged others to use their gifts. He persuaded us to accept “Associate Membership” in the church and in the welcoming ceremony spoke of our having been “baptized in the Spirit” and participating in spiritual communion. He accepted the “non-physical” aspects of these sacraments as equivalent with other members’ participation in the physical rites. Again I recognized the diversity of helpful and authentic guidance.

On various occasions I had talked with my father about the impact of Friends’ witness with other groups and within the Religious Society of Friends itself. He had come to the conclusion that the pastoral system had brought the beginning of the end of Friends as a unique witness, and as a pastor he was contributing to the demise of the Religious Society. However, he continued to provide tremendous guidance to many individuals, including myself, and remained faithful to the members of the Meeting that he was serving, to early Friends, and most of all to Christ and the message of Love.

Within a year of our leaving Manasquan, my father died at the age of 58. Characteristically, he had put off seeing the doctor with respect to the pains he was feeling in his chest on Friday until he had carried out his duties over the weekend. Even after admission to the hospital on Monday, he carried on his duties as chair of the town’s ministerium having some of the group meet in his hospital room on the regularly scheduled day. However, when the ministers returned from their lunch break, they discovered that Logan Smith’s heart had been stopped by a massive coronary attack. I was faced with the loss of my most consistent and reliable spiritual guide but also was forced to examine my own spiritual leadership and sharing with others.

As a result of the death of the Science Department Chair and my father within the span of a few months and some concerns that I was having internally with my job, Judy and I had a difficult struggle with emotional, intellectual and spiritual questions. Although I was receiving excellent evaluations and accomplishing what seemed a great deal at the school, there was a lack of enthusiasm and sense of “real” involvement. I missed the interaction with students and the sense of learning and searching which characterized my previous experiences both in an intellectual and spiritual sense.

Search: New Beginnings

2010-11-10T07:19:00.000-05:00

In the spring of 1970, I was offered a teaching associate position leading to the PhD at Ohio State U. We decided to end our work at Jamestown Friends and in the fall began a search for new connections. We became involved with a Mennonite church and for the first time I was deliberately choosing to look at guides within a non-Quaker framework. I joined a small group of seekers from the church who met for breakfast one morning a week. One of the most meaningful aspects of this group was that we were all serious students of other disciplines, as well as serious students of the spiritual pathways and intent on understanding our spiritual life as individuals and as a group.

It was at one of these small meetings that I participated in “communion” for the first time. One of the group had brought some juice and rolls and suggested that we have communion together. As we shared together I made the comment that it was good that it was orange juice since if it had been grape juice I was not sure I would have participated. The person who brought the juice said that he had thought about it and knowing my feelings about “communion ritual” decided to bring orange juice since it really didn’t make much difference in the meaning of communing together. That sharing did not seem to me to be a rite or symbol but a time of community with one another and Christ. We shared no formal words but rather a personal feeling of sharing in a life that was a real presence among us. The more I shared of myself and grew in the group, the more meaningful Friends became to me.

In the spring of 1971 when there was much unrest on college campuses, I experienced one of the most intense tests of my beliefs in my life. I have described this experience elsewhere and will state that it was because of this experience I changed from being a pacifist because I didn’t think I could kill some one to being a pacifist because I knew I might be able to kill someone.

Two major tests of our marriage and family were experienced in my last year at OSU. In working on my PhD dissertation I placed a great deal of stress on the family as Judy was typing the dissertation and retyping the corrections which often required the retyping of several pages due to even a minor correction on an earlier page. In retrospect I soon realized that in many ways the dissertation had become a “mistress” which took time and energy from wife and family. The other stress was that we had taken a foster child, Terri, in the fall with the intention of adopting her. Terri was almost two years old and we were told that she had been treated much like our own children had been. That is, that she had been taken everywhere with the family, was used to social settings and had been eating from the table for a while. However, much of what we attempted was met with apparent stubbornness and “tantrums” when we tried different foods, took her almost anywhere and in many other situations. Our social worker took a leave of absence soon after we got the child and returned after about six months. Upon the social worker visiting our home for the first time after her leave, she expressed real concern with what she saw and heard about our family. She began to ask questions at work and of us. What she learned was shocking to us at to her. She learned that Terri, a biracial child, had been with a “white” foster family that did not take Terri anywhere, not even to the homes of extended family where she would not have been accepted. In addition she had been completely bottle fed up until the day she came to us. She had never eaten solid food nor sat at the table, something we had expected her to do. After some serious discussions our social worker recommended that Terri be placed with another family. We reluctantly agreed with the proviso that Terri not be returned to the family she had come from. We later learned that she had been placed with a loving family that adopted her. One of the other positive outcomes from our experience was that Social Services decided to change their policy. Their policy had been that the social worker and family of the “old” placement could NOT share information with the social worker and family in the “new” placement. This was changed, largely due to our experience, so that information was required to be shared between the social workers and the families.

Upon graduation in 1972 I was offered a position by two different schools. Due to the fact that I had the PhD and was determined to work and teach in public secondary schools where I felt my talents and calling lay, my job search had been limited to schools in the “East” where they were willing to hire a teacher-supervisor. My choice was between a well established school that was looking to develop newer programs and a brand new high school that was literally building a new school from the ground up, including facilities and program. The deciding factor for me was that in the latter school, Holmdel, NJ, the intent was to develop a small group of leaders in secondary schools from various disciplines who would operate on a cooperative basis approaching a consensus model.

Thus we moved to New Jersey from Ohio. Judy had never lived more than about an hour’s drive from her hometown of Tipp City, Ohio. It was then that she saw the ocean for the first time. The fall of 1972 marked the beginning of several experiences that influenced the rest of our lives in a major way.

Search: Life Choices

2010-11-03T19:06:00.001-04:00

After moving to Tipp City schools, my satisfaction with teaching grew while working with Bill Bechtol and colleagues interested in developing a system designed to meet the needs of each student. I also found satisfaction and rewards in working with students in and out of class. With my studies at Miami U in the summers, I was preparing for a long-term commitment to teaching science at the high school.

With the “laying down” of Ludlow Falls Friends Meeting and West Branch Quarterly Meeting, my commitment to Friends seemed to be waning. However, in the spring of 1968 I was invited to become the regular “preacher,” only on Sundays, at a very small Friends Meeting in Wilmington Yearly Meeting. As a result of that I was subsequently invited to be the “weekend minister” at Jamestown Friends Meeting. The parsonage was empty and we were invited to stay in it whenever we needed to stay overnight. With my father being the pastor at Xenia Friends Meeting just down the road, this seemed to be a chance to work more closely with him. One of the surprising aspects of this was that for the first time I heard my father question whether the pastoral system was truly in the tradition of Friends.

After the first year at Jamestown and the third year at Tipp City, I was presented with a choice that was the first major crossroads of my life. Apparently my work at Jamestown was well received and word had spread in the Yearly Meeting. I also suspect that my father’s reputation as a truly outstanding person and minister was involved. I was “called” to a full time pastorate at a relatively large Meeting in Wilmington Yearly Meeting. At about the same time, as a result of my work at Tipp City and at Miami U., I was invited to attend an NSF Academic Year Institute for Science Supervisors at Ohio State U. In addition, Tipp City schools encouraged me to stay there with “tenure” and work on the curriculum in science and math. Up until then most decisions in my life had been either yes or no with relatively clear directions as to which way to choose.

Judy and her family were opposed to my going to Ohio State. This was partly due to the fact that for the previous three summers I had been attending Miami U while Judy had been pregnant the first summer with a difficult pregnancy as well as being pregnant the third summer while I stayed at Miami during the week to work on my thesis. We now had two sons under the age of 3 and the stipend for the Institute at Ohio State was not very much. However, I chose to accept the invitation to Ohio State, in hindsight this was partly due to my wanting the recognition as a young, 25 years old, person among the leaders in secondary school science education. In addition, I could continue as weekend minister at Jamestown.

During that year I experienced a good deal of satisfaction in the academic life and loved being a seeker of knowledge. At the same time the ministry at Jamestown seemed to be producing spiritual growth in the Meeting and in myself. However, I had growing doubts about the pastoral system in Friends since it seemed that the more I was able to speak to the condition of the members and attenders, the more they relied on me and listened to me rather than to each other or to themselves on a deeper level. In conversations with my father, this seemed to be a major danger with the pastoral system in general. My father felt that one of the major goals for him was to “work himself out of a job,” that is, to assist the members of the Meeting to become leaders and ministers within the Meeting. In my experience at Jamestown, it seemed that the more participation and interaction was evident but this seemed to be more a result of the Meeting being content with a “good” pastor rather than a careful searching of their own personal condition.

Toward the end of the academic year, I was given another choice that would confirm the direction I would undertake.

College grad year

2010-10-27T18:12:00.000-04:00

My first year out of college I was the science department chair of a small rural high school in Ohio. In fact, I basically was the science department. I taught Biology, Chemistry and Physics while the 9^th grade general science course was taught by the Junior High School science teacher. I also began to teach an adult Sunday School class at a small Friends Meeting where I was nominated to be Clerk. I also celebrated my 21^st birthday.

I undertook a serious study of the Bible with particular help from several resources such as the Interpreter’s Bible and Barclay’s Daily Study Bible Series. I also read more early Friends, especially studying Barclay’s “Apology,” and “discovered” Rufus Jones’ writings that “spoke to my condition.” My father’s personal library was very extensive, especially of Friends works, but also of other writings. I began to read other theologians such as Barth, Tillich and Bultmann.

I was nominated to be the Clerk of a Quarterly Meeting at the time that Indiana Yearly Meeting was transitioning to “less Quakerly” regional meetings. At the last official West Branch Quarterly Meeting I read a statement I entitled “The Myth of Midwestern Quakerism,” later published in Quaker Life. I also was presiding clerk when Ludlow Falls Friends Meeting was laid down. I began to have serious doubts with regard to the place of the pastoral system and several other aspects of the ways Quakerism was interpreted in Indiana Yearly Meeting. This included the peace witness of Friends. At Yearly Meeting there had been an attempt to publicly denounce “A Quaker Action Group” which was planning to send medical supplies to North Vietnam. The proposed minute would have disavowed the use of Quaker by the group. Due to the statements by several Friends the minute was not approved at the regular sessions but a special “called Meeting” was to be held to review the matter. A number of Friends in Indiana YM sent up a series of weekend meetings throughout the YM on the Friends witness to peace and medical assistance to even our “enemies.” Much of this work was based on Friends history but also the Biblical basis of “Love your neighbor/enemy” as well. I participated in some of these and was impressed by several Friends including Virgil Peacock and Sam Levering. The “called Meeting” decided, I believe at least partially through these efforts, no action would be taken on the proposed minute.

Toward the end of my first year of teaching I was invited to become science department head at Tipp City, OH, high school. This was the school that my wife, Judy, and her family had attended and where her family still lived. At the time the invitation came Judy had just gone through the fist trimester of pregnancy with heavy bleeding and the probability of a miscarriage. It seemed from a professional and personal point of view that it would be best to move closer to Judy’s family and to become involved in a larger science department. Tipp City, through the efforts of Bill Bechtol, Assistant Superintendent, who had been Judy’s teacher and then Principal when she taught for one year before we were married, was exploring ways to individualize instruction to best reach each student. I became involved in science curriculum development and instructional improvement for the entire K-12 range. This was quite exciting and energizing to be involved in “cutting edge” education.

However, the birth of our first son Scott was one of the most memorable times of my life. This came after a very trying last 6 months of the pregnancy during which Judy spent a great deal of time on the couch at her parents’ home where her grandmother also lived. Being young, “foolish,” and full of seemingly boundless energy I had also started a master’s program at Miami U. that summer. Thus in September of 1966, I was the husband of a wonderful person, father of a beautiful child, and a science educator with a bright future.

The following three years were very full. Among the experiences were: Judy and I had a second son, Geoff; I received an MAT in Chemistry; I loved teaching and working with teachers on curriculum and instruction; and I served as “weekend pastor” at Jamestown, OH, Friends Meeting.

College

2010-10-24T19:26:00.001-04:00

I entered Earlham College shortly after my 17^th birthday and planned to be a math teacher. The following four years were full of challenges, opportunities and wonderful events.

The summer after my first year I went to work at Quaker Haven Camp in Indiana. There I met Judy Rogers. Our relationship began as a joke when she would say to me quite loudly in the dining room, “No. For the last time, I will not marry you.” However, about a month after summer started we came to realize that we wanted to spend more time together. Within another month, I asked her to be my wife. Fortunately for me, she said yes. We were married at the end of my Junior year after she had been teaching elementary school for a year. For financial reasons she had completed the requirements for a “Cadet Teacher” certificate to teach in Ohio public schools at the end of 3 years of college.

At the beginning of my Sophomore year I was fortunate to have an opportunity to play goal keeper for the alumni soccer team in the annual alumni-varsity game during pre-season practice. I was 5’ 4” and most people didn’t think I could make a good enough keeper to pay for the varsity. The keeper from the previous year had broken his arm and was going to play in the field so a “new” keeper was needed. Apparently I did well enough in that game and in pre-season that I was selected as the starting keeper for the season. We had a good year and the following year, my Junior year, the soccer team was National co-champs of the small college division of soccer. My senior year I was elected Captain and MVP of the team. I was very fortunate to be part of a team that respected each other, worked at our individual skills and positions, and played as a team. The coach, Charlie Matlack, always stressed that we needed to develop individual skills but that even more important was that we be willing to work with the team. He exemplified the concept that, although winning was great, our integrity as individuals and as a team were more important. Competition with others was less critical to our development as competition with ourselves to improve our skills and teamwork.

I had been an excellent math student in high school and intended to be a math teacher. However, my second course in Calculus was with a professor who stressed, at least in my perception, memorization and rote repetition of the voluminous notes from the chalkboard that were written during class. I did not do well. At the same time I took a Chemistry class from Ted Benfey and discovered that the subject was not just memorization and rote repetition of the Periodic Chart and other “facts.” Science was taught as a search for a sense of what the natural world was like at its basics. I decided to be a Chemistry major and a teacher of science as a result of that course. Several members of the Chemistry faculty at Earlham at that time were Friends, T. Benfey, L. Strong, W. Stratton. Their approach to chemistry and science seemed models of the way to approach both the natural and spiritual worlds.

My senior year was full of changes and opportunities. Judy and I lived in married student housing and she taught in a rural Ohio school. I did my student teaching in the high school associated with the school where Judy taught. The spring of that year I was offered a part time teaching position in Hagerstown, IN, where my uncle was on the school board and my cousin was in a physics class. The physics teacher spent most of the time talking about his hobby of raising bees and rarely brought up much physics. I was asked if I would teach the class. It was my first professional teaching position and the start of 42 years of teaching in many ways and in many places.

Guided Search: Kenya

2010-10-05T17:09:00.000-04:00

A Guided Search: Kenya

At the end of my sophomore year in high school my father, mother and I went to Kenya where I was enrolled in Rift Valley Academy. Since I planned on attending college in the States upon graduation and British schools were reluctant to give full entering credit to American students, it was felt I should go to RVA, a school run by missionaries for mission children. The school was in Kijabe a 12 hour train ride away from Kisumu which was the nearest large town near the center of Friends Africa Mission in Kaimosi. I arrived at school with the sudden realization that not only was I the first Friend to ever attend RVA but that Quakerism was a relatively unknown faith that was assumed to be like the rest of “orthodox Christianity,” i.e. Evangelical Protestant. Although many of the aspects of the religion practiced at RVA were relatively well known to me and in fact seemed quite similar to some of that preached by some Friends pastors I knew, I still felt that somehow there was something different in what I had been taught at home.

I began to read, for the first time really, the writings of Friends, Faith and Practice, and the Bible. I had been led to these sources earlier and had splashed around the surface but had not delved into them. I read the Bible straight through twice in the first year, plus scriptural readings assigned in class, and studied George Fox’s Journal, Barclay’s Apology, and some history of Friends. I came to appreciate early Friends and the Bible, especially John’s Gospel and the prophets, as trustworthy guides that were not to be followed “lock step,” but rather as companions along the way.

One of the distinctive characteristics of my Friends practice was in the area of communion. The worship service at RVA observed communion once a month. I decided early on that I would participate in “silent communion” while the others went forward to receive the cup and bread. I did not make a big deal out of this, but it was obvious and several questions came up among the faculty and students. My participation in “silent communion” seemed to satisfy most people and I generally felt accepted. I didn’t realize how different this was until very late one Sunday night during my senior year when I was awakened by a younger student who came from a strong Lutheran background. As I had learned in class and discussions, communion was very central to some students and they missed celebrating the eucharist every week. The young man who woke me was one of these. In addition, communion had been celebrated that morning and would not be celebrated for another month. He explained to me that he had felt “unworthy” that morning and chose not to participate according to his belief that one needed to be “worthy” to partake in the communion. Now, in the middle of the night after wrestling with his beliefs for quite a while, he felt he needed to have communion, but realized that it would be another month before he could take communion in his tradition. He asked me to explain how I “took communion.” I tried to explain the belief that Christ needed no intermediary and then direct access was available if we would listen and open ourselves to commune with Christ. I don’t know how much this changed his views, if at all, but it did seem to give him some peace that night and he was able to get to sleep.

At the conclusion of my two years at RVA, I had what I consider one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life. The seniors traditionally took a “senior trip” and we chose to go to Amboseli National Park for a camping trip of several nights. Just previous to leaving on the trip I had been told that my father, mother and several month old sister would be leaving for the US immediately and that I needed to stay in Kenya until graduation in August, more than a month away. The reason for their departure was the serious nature of my father’s health condition. I also had discovered that my sister and mother were “lucky to be alive. During delivery of my sister, whose conception had been deemed improbable if not impossible, my mother had been very near death and a very quick Caeserean section was performed. My sister had not breathed on her own for nearly forty five minutes and it was only through the skill, commitment and dedication of the mission doctors and the “grace of God” that my mother and sister were alive. On the last night of the trip the seniors “gathered sticks, kindled a fire and left it burning” as we shared some of our feelings, especially about our time at RVA. At that time I felt a strong sense of immanent loss with the knowledge that not only was I “alone” in Kenya, but that I might have been within moments of losing my father, mother and sister. However, as I experienced this possible loss a very clear sense of presence somehow communicated to me that I was not alone and that regardless of my aloneness, Someone would be with me.

Search: Jamaica

2010-09-29T16:39:00.000-04:00

Guided Search: Jamaica

My earliest memories are as a preacher’s kid in Amboy, IN. However, the first lessons that I truly remember were on the island of Jamaica. My father had been called to serve Jamaica Yearly Meeting as Superintendent and doing ministry at the large “church” in Hector’s River. There I learned that I was not special or different from others because of the color of my skin, my father’s occupation, or my position.

My brother and I were sent to the local elementary school where we were the only “white” children in attendance. This was obvious, but became an item for discussion in the family when the other children called us “white feet.” We were asked by our parents why we were being called that. We explained that when we started attending the school we had been sent to school wearing shoes, but realizing that no other children were wearing shoes we had decided to take off our shoes. Being fairly respectful of our parents’ wishes, we dutifully put on our shoes in the morning, but took them off on the way to school and went barefoot at school. Since our schoolmates saw “white” people go barefoot only on the beach, our bare feet became an identifying attribute. Of course when my parents heard this, they said then don’t bother to put shoes on in the first place. This seemed to be contrary to what other “whites” expected but seemed quite natural to our family. Other missionary children were not “allowed” to go to the local school. I am not quite sure why, but it obviously was not due to lack of “education.” In Jamaica I started in “second” grade and when we returned to the States 4 years later, I was placed in 7^th grade. This placement was agreed to reluctantly by the principal at the school I entered in Ohio, but I had already been introduced to the basics of algebra and was reading at a high school level.

However, apart from the social and educational advantages of being in Jamaica, The most important lesson I learned was that love was to be the basis for action and that those who love most, served most. My father and mother, rather than wanting others to become like “Americans,” strove to assist others in learning to lead and tried to work themselves “out of a job.” I learned that missionaries should see themselves as temporarily filling in where colonial powers had failed to develop leadership, and that “we” had much to learn from each other.

In the subsequent years as a pastor in Ohio, my father would more explicitly state that he saw his role as not “working” on Sunday but rather sharing in worship. He continued to believe as a Friends’ pastor that his “job” was to work himself out of a “job” by developing leadership and ministers within the congregation. This seemed a different interpretation of ministry than most other Christians and Quakers that I knew. I saw my father and mother as very caring persons who tended to preach what they lived and to live what they preached. This was different than most preachers I knew who told others to practice what they preached but seemed to live as if preaching was what counted and not practice, especially not their practice.

Up to this point I had followed the path that my parents set before me. I did not see much need to “strike out on my own,” although we were encouraged to read, study, and question what we were being taught. I accepted much of what was taught in Sunday School, but was also taught at home that I needed to think for myself. This included looking at the Bible as a source of spiritual truth and not as a science or history text. As I was soon to discover this was quite different from the view of many others.

Braided Rug theory

2010-09-22T21:53:00.001-04:00

I started my “Guided Search” thread using as a basis a paper written for an Earlham School of Religion course in 1980. I wrote another paper for a second course dealing with Old Testament studies. The paper was entitled “In the Beginning: There were many beginnings.” As I reflected on starting a series of posts based on “A Guided Search” as somewhat of a memoir, I recognized that I would be leaving out a large portion of what I really feel a need to record. Recalling “In the Beginning” I realized that it might be appropriate to take some of the ideas behind that paper and apply them to a second thread of my “memoirs.”

As I spent some sleepless time last night, a relatively frequent middle of the night occurrence, my thoughts went to a metaphor, analogy, picture, or “whatever” to use as a gathering point for my memories. The image of a tapestry has been used to portray the entwining threads that are quite distinct but become a beautiful whole. I have used this image in the past to illustrate my concept of a community, school, or Meeting uniting people who retain their individual diversity into a beautiful unity. I also thought of a quilt as putting together various pieces into patterns that then are placed in a larger pattern. Both of these images seemed too patterned to fit the way I view my life.

Then an image came to mind that seemed to fit both a “guided search” and “many beginnings,” a braided rag rug. From a collection of strips of cloth, a braid is formed into what appears to be a long rope that is then coiled to form a rug. Some are relatively small like doormats while others are room size, but even the larger ones can be extended by additional braid. Sometimes strips of similar color are placed together to form a length of a unique color while at other times a mixture of color and textures produce a stretch that seems nondescript. Some transitions between sections blend well while at other times there may be a fairly abrupt change in color and appearance. This image seems to fit the way I view my life in retrospect.

There were periods when the direction and “color” of my life seemed very straightforward and uniform with relatively smooth transitions. At other times there were abrupt changes and apparent confusion. As I recall these times and relate them in somewhat of a narrative, I must add some strong advisories. My memory is quite selective. My view of events is clearly biased. I will attempt to be true in my descriptions. However, my perception of the truth may not be the same as another person’s perception of the same events and, as contradictory as it may seem, both perceptions may be true.

My intention is to write what I feel needs to be said and spend at least some time editing the writing. This is a process I do not like. My “style” has been much more of writing my thoughts out, editing as I go, and then leaving the result as the product. This provides a “flow of consciousness” of my thoughts at the time, that is normally my intent, but if I am to synthesize a collection of memories into a whole it would seem that I should utilize some editorial control. Thus the appearance of posts from either the “Guided Search” or “Braided Rug” series may be sporadic, at best. In addition, some posts may fit both categories while others seem incongruous. It is my hope that as I sew the pieces together, the thread I use will be essentially invisible and the end result will be functional, at least for myself.

Guided Search 1

2010-09-21T15:04:00.003-04:00

30 years ago while at Earlham School of Religion for 2 summer courses I wrote a paper for one of them which attempted to trace some of my spiritual development up to that point. As I "settle" into "retirement" I am revisiting that "paper" with major editing and planning to extend the "search" over the last 30 years. I will be taking this process at a measured pace. I may intersperse the continuations with other more responsive posts, but I plan to work more carefully at the "Guided Search" thread.

In examining my life’s journey I find that there were a number of guides along the way. Some of these were individuals that I knew who had a strong influence on the direction of my journey. Others, from ancient to modern times, I knew through written descriptions of their experiences and advice. These guides were ones to whom I could look consistently and confidently, as well as being able to refer others to them. It was important to me that I found some relationship with these guides similar to that described in the following:

Do not walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Do not walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend. (Anon?)

A critical aspect of my journey that has varied over many twists and turns has been that of finding or rather, in a more complete sense, being found by, a spiritual guide that has walked with me my entire life. I learned that the people I most trusted and who served as the truest guides followed the recommendation of early Friends in their advice to those who would be guides: “Take them to Christ and leave them there.” These true friends did not ask that I follow in their footsteps nor that I take the lead but rather they walked with me for a while as I found the trail markings they helped me to learn and bore witness to the one guide to whom I could listen and walk with regardless of how rough the terrain or obscure the path seemed to be.

My earliest guides were my father, Logan Smith, and my mother, Opal Perry Smith.

God IS

2010-09-18T05:32:00.002-04:00

(Adonai, Elohim, Allah, Collective Unconscious, Deus, God,
Great Spirit, Light, Nirvana, Brahman, Truth, YHWH, I AM THAT I AM)

Α - Ω

GOD IS

GOD IS LOVE

GOD IS LOVING NEIGHBOR

GOD IS LOVING NEIGHOR, SELF

GOD IS LOVING NEIGHBOR, SELF, EVERYONE

GOD IS LOVING NEIGHBOR, SELF, EVERYONE, EARTH

A Friends School as a Community

2010-09-07T13:01:00.002-04:00

This was written a number of years ago. I might use slightly different language today, but it still reflects my general views so I am posting it basically unedited.

A Friends School as a Whole Community

If we love God, we will be satisfied with nothing less than a fellowship which hears and obeys the call of Christ to righteousness within the community. The life of this fellowship will be grounded in the corporate experience of obedience and suffering for the sake of obedience. This does not happen when we are with those who tell us only what we want to hear of our own accomplishments and glory, nor does it happen in a community whose intent is to glorify or build up specific individuals. An obedient fellowship is clearly evident only in a primary community, one in which the first claim on our corporate loyalty is the community that has become the social force that has the greatest influence in our lives. As faculty in a Friends school this means viewing our position not as a job to finance what we really want to do nor one to trade-in for a “better” position, but rather as an experience in forming and belonging to a whole community. As students it is not putting up with the situation until graduation, but it is considering the school as our community now. This is not to say that faculty and others may not be led to other opportunities or that students should not prepare for further study or “life after school,” but that these occurrences are outcomes of the experience rather than immediate goals. It also does not mean that all of the members must agree with everything that the school stands for or in reality does. However, it does mean exerting our present efforts toward achieving a primary community in which each one is a whole person. This is not making the school what we want or what a select group of persons want, but rather what God wants and we need.

Now for some tough questions. How do we know what is needed? How do we know how to meet these needs? How do we know God’s will for our school? Friends have insisted that it is in corporate meeting that we can find the truth, in coming together, all of us, seeking unity not uniformity, as a community sharing our concerns, our successes and our problems. The source of Power for early Friends was discovered and experienced in Meeting one another and God at a depth beyond words. Discovered in meeting across all disciplines, ages and positions within the community.

The prophetic tradition placed the direct experience of God as the most critical point in the relationship of persons with God and with each other. From this experience comes personal righteousness and active involvement in meeting and sharing with others. The major barrier to a right relationship with God and one another has been proclaimed as our resistance and down right rebellion against the worship of God in Spirit and in Truth. We have, just as institutional churches past and present, substituted intermediaries, symbols, rituals and forms for a direct relationship within our community. We expect certain individuals or groups to perform special acts while others are mere spectators. We have set aside time for the form of meeting without incorporating Meeting into the classroom or business of running the school. Friends found that it was in Meeting with everyone as active participants in a direct immediate relationship that Power came for personal and corporate righteousness through the sense of unity and power essential to a whole community.

If we are to develop a living primary community, we must meet each other under the leadership of the Spirit of Christ. We must meet each other not as students, staff, alumni, administrators, or teachers of one discipline or another. In other words, we must meet as individuals rather than on the basis of position, title or experience. Each one of us is capable of listening to the teaching of Christ and of contributing in a Meeting for Worship, Meeting for Business, and Meeting for Learning. It is in this context that we can become whole persons in a whole community. Some of the results that might be expected from such a school community, with thanks and apologies to Howard Brinton, are: 1) A sense of belonging to a community that implies cooperation rather than competition; 2) A sense of inclusive wholeness rather than exclusive separation or compartmentalization; 3) A renewed sense of dedication and commitment on the part of students, staff and administration; 4) A sense of caring with nonviolent discipline and methods emphasizing persons more than facts or things; 5) An inward sense of rightness in individuals with values meaning more than material value; 6) A sense of equality among academic areas with interdisciplinary inclusion rather than exclusiveness or possessiveness; 7) A sense of simplicity in life styles and corporate direction with emphasis on the needs of individuals rather than corporate or individual prestige; 8) A sense of honesty in achieving creativity rather than conformity in academic standards and interpersonal relationships; and 9) A sense of broadening and strengthening the skills students need for life rather than refining and narrowing limited areas of interest.

In such a community, the goals will not be differentiated from the means by which these goals are attained. The process of education will be the product of the school and students will become part of the process of the community. Meeting will be for Worship, Business, and Learning in a whole community which is made up of whole persons.

Pacifist

2010-08-23T21:32:00.001-04:00

In response to some questioning on self-defense I described the following:

I was first introduced to aikido by the author of "Giving in to get your way," a well written book. (He also happened to have written the script for the original "Friday the 13th" movie.) He had come at my invitation to have a "workshop" for the seniors at Moorestown Friends School in 1980. The principles that have been mentioned of aikido seemed appropriate for looking at an alternative way of dealing with violence and possibly of looking at "turning the other cheek" as away of "Giving in to get your way."

I was a "pacifist" in my early years when I thought I couldn't kill someone, until an incident at Ohio State U. with the National Guard "occupation" of campus in the very early 70's when I learned that I had, somewhere inside me, the capacity to "kill" someone who I had "dehumanized" in a brief moment clouded by frustration, teargas, and the "other" masked by a uniform and gas mask. A National Guardsman was coming at me, out of the cloud of tear gas, with lowered bayonet. I was walking across the "commons" heading to class when the Guard was ordered to clear the commons because it seemed like students were flooding the commons (a common occurrence at that time of day when the most classes were changing) and the "military" view was of an "attack." I was carrying a brief case. In the instant when, through tears and fog from the tear gas, I saw the Guardsman, more an apparition than a person, I sensed my hand tense around the handle of my briefcase and I "instinctively?" turned toward the apparition with the apparent intent of attacking it (him?). However, almost as quickly as that reaction, the tears began to flow because I realized that had I had a lethal weapon, I might well have used it to harm or kill what I realized was a person very much like the students I knew. From that time on, I have been a "pacifist" because I know I do have somewhere, hopefully well "covered," the capacity to do bodily harm or possibly kill another person.

I learned that it is "easy" to dehumanize another when they are "camouflaged" to appear different and when they are "foreign" to your way of thinking. It may be hard to follow the commandment of "Love thy Neighbor," but I believe that it did apply "even" to National Guard and does apply to all, even the "enemy." I believe we need to seek ways in which we can turn enemies into neighbors and trust that when the time does come that we can "turn" attackers away without harm to us or our loved ones or to the attacker. An "impossible dream" perhaps, but one I believe we are called to seek.

The Light

2010-08-23T18:01:00.001-04:00

Having been requested to talk about my concept of the Light, I wrote the following in a rather "quick"off the "top of my head" way. There is much that I could add or edit but decided to post this as is.

The Light

It is difficult for me to use language other than New Testament and Friends language since this is the language of my father who was my spiritual guide and mentor even though he really never acted or talked in any other way than a father to me. He was a pastor and I spent many Sundays listening to her sermons but they didn’t mean a great deal to me until my adult years when I would visit. Mostly I remember the care that he took everyday, all day to express love, not a noticeable evident love. I don’t remember hugs in our family but I do remember smiles and looks that carried a humble “pride” and inward joy. I especially noticed these when my father looked at his grandchildren. For me these smiles and looks carried love in a very powerful way. I learned that “God is Love” was not just a powerful metaphor but somehow carried some of the most powerful human aspirations and realities.

In addition, my father introduced me to the Bible, writings of early and modern Friends, and Christian thinkers. I came to believe that there was truth in the concept of the “Light that was enlightening everyone,” “Inward Light,” etc. I went through a period in which I found it difficult to talk openly about the Light as “Christian” when I struggled with Friends who stated that anyone who did not believe in the Bible and Jesus Christ as they knew him was condemned to Hell and were somehow unworthy of our love. This very exclusive belief emphasizing guilt and fear seemed very foreign to the Light of Faith, Hope, and Love with the greatest of these Love.

My vision of the Light envisions a concept/idea/reality that is accessible to all persons. The manifestation can be seen/heard/felt/believed by persons who have never heard the story of Jesus nor the name Christ. However, as humans we each tend to become self focused and strive to understand Right/Wrong from our own perspective without openness to others. This is for me one of the meanings of the Genesis stories in which Adam and Eve are described as wanting to have the knowledge of Good and Evil for themselves, prompting the question “Where are you?” Similarly, Cain in striving to have his interpretation of the “best” sacrifice being recognized even to the extreme of killing his brother seen as a rival is asked “Where is your brother?” These two stories demonstrate the building of barriers to the Light that we all are susceptible to. These barriers create “oceans of darkness,” but the darkness cannot put out the light only prevent its experience. As the barriers between each other are broken down we help build down barriers to the Light. As we work at, or probably more accurately, allow the work to occur, breaking the barriers to the Light itself overcomes the ocean of darkness.

For me the Gospels are the heart of my understanding of the Light, but find the illumination in many other writings from different religions and writings, from ancient right up to contemporary writings.

Friends Worship

2010-05-19T08:55:00.003-04:00

Another writing from some time in the past. I am not sure I would use some of the same words now, or rather I would probably add some "qualifications" or explanations of some of the words, for example "his," "Redeemer," "creator". As one who continues to seek more openings, deeper understandings, and ever more "wisdom," I have found it hard to resist interminable editings, revisions, updatings, expansions, explanations, etc. However, at several times in the past I have tried to work hard at being more concise. I even tried using a very unorthodox form of Haiku. One of which is:

Writing is a form
Of capturing one's ideas
In a frozen trap

"The worship of God is not a form but an acting out of his will in relationship through justice and kindly love with people, our family, our neighbor, and all the people of the world. What Friends speak and believe they must do. The apex of the religious life and worship experience is found in the very Presence of God, felt and known without any intermediary, immanent, and known as Loving Redeemer and Creator sharing not mechanically in social order, but personally. The prophets declared that to know and worship God one is to look within and to look around.

It is not so much that we are against ceremony or rituals but that the real demands of God on humans are moral and spiritual and the proper worship of God is a life obedient to those demands. As beautiful and simple as it may sound, "to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God," is far from a comfortable religion. Every prophetic spirit in every age will testify to the cost and continuous struggle in reaching for justice, mercy, and humility."

Myth of Midwestern Quakerism

2010-05-15T14:36:00.005-04:00

I have uncovered some older writings that I will post occasionally as a "track record" of my own search.

This was written and read in 1969, at the age of 25, when I was Clerk of West Branch Quarterly Meeting in Indiana Yearly Meeting. IYM was reorganizing from Quarterly to Regional Meetings and this was the last Meeting of West Branch QM. Most of my views are remarkably similar 40 years later. This also appeared in Quaker Life.

"As a young person, for I still consider myself young, who has been involved in many ways and at many levels in the phenomenon known as midwestern Quakerism, I would like to give some thoughts as to the past and the future of this organization, denomination, or movement, as the case may be.
It seems to me that with the reorganization we admitted that we are no longer a Society of Friends but rather just another Protestant denomination with almost no uniqueness except we still have the nerve to call ourselves Quakers. I do not fault the reorganization since it may serve Indiana Yearly Meeting faithfully and well, nor do I pretend to say that Quakerism should stagnate and not change. Nevertheless, I feel there are basic fundamentals of Quakerism which have been compromised. Among these is the belief that there can be no reliance on organization or structure to solve our problems or to serve Christ. This and other areas have been well stated in much better fashion by other students of Quakerism, but I will briefly suggest a few relevant examples.
One of the most important and valuable beliefs is in the priesthood of every believer coupled with the seeking of direct communication with God. Our meetings are pastoral meetings where the use of silent or individual worship of God has been said to have no place. The preacher often rushes through the program like clockwork so his sermon will not be disturbed. We do have clergy not just ministers. We rely on these preachers or priests to do most of our thinking and speaking for us rather than ones who are ministers among ministers with various gifts and thoughts. We also seem concerned about our church or chapel more as a place where we worship and show our religion rather than our meetinghouses only as the center where all members share experiences and guidance so they may follow the ONE teacher to go forth and do the works 9f Christ worshiping God in all places at all times.
Among the other fundamentals which we seem to have deserted is the belief in that of God in every man. If we truly believed this then we would treat each all people, the thief on the cross, the North Vietnamese and black power radicals. The peace testimony of Friends grew from this faith in the love of Christ which overcomes evil led him to die for all. We prize our Quaker name but try to refuse its use to those who attempt to follow Christ's command "do good to those who harm you." We treasure our Quaker heritage but know little of John Woolman who led the fight against slavery and discrimination yet our Yearly Meeting is among the most segregated groups anywhere.
We are amused by the old gray uniform of early Quakers, and well we should be, but as I
was so kindly eldered earlier this year we find only a small opposition to credit and borrowing money above our resources to meet demands for luxury. We have lost the concept of simplicity when we see unpaid debts and extras on our cars and in our homes. We have now taken on the uniform of our society and are dangerously close to reversing the command, "be ye not conformed to this world but be ye transformed." Those who insist that this is only spiritual and does not refer to the physical realm seem to neglect that it was the early Christians who were accused of "turning the world upside down" almost literally as well as figuratively. We are freed from commitment to this world by having no fear of what it can do to us but we are not freed to ignore it and live for the world to come, because Christ HAS COME and is here and is working among us now.
In considering these thoughts it would seem there are two choices before us, either continue, which may be the easiest route, but be honest enough to change our name, or accept the poor mournful, meek, hungry and thirsty, merciful, pure, peacemaking, reviled and persecuted by men existence of the prophets called for by Christ and George Fox.

Life changes and renewal

2010-04-08T15:01:00.002-04:00

Two major events are bringing a relatively major change in our (Judy and I) life this spring and renewal time. A three year old "ocean of darkness" has finally been lifted and we are moving from Barnesville, OH to Little Canada, (close in suburb of St Paul) MN.

After our move about May 1 and a little settling time, I hope to renew this blog which was stifled by others as part of the "ocean of darkness."

This will be a major change in Friends traditions from "Conservative" to liberal Friends. Though there is much I like about the "conservative" view, there has been a tendency to be exclusive and somewhat closed minded at times. It is my hope that some Friends in the Twin Cities area will provide challenge and opportunity to continue my Search and clarification of what I know experimentally/experientally.

Haiku??

2009-08-09T12:13:00.002-04:00

My apologies to Haiku purists:

Simplicity is
A thought of five, seven, and
Five syllable lines

A simple life is
Not living within one’s mean
But meaningful life

Smile and share yourself
Say hello with joy and bring
Some rays of the Light

Joy is sharing life
With others who expect you
To just be yourself

Quaker grey was once
Simply worn, but uniforms
Now are denim blue

Praying is reaching
Out with open heart, reaching
In with open mind

Tower of Babel rewrite

2009-08-07T21:33:00.004-04:00

I still am struggling with the darkness that is still with me. However, I have decided to resume blogging, but with a different premise that may help me get through the next few months.

I intend to share items that I have written previously, some from many years ago and some a little more recently. Some of these postings will be about education, many will be specifically related to Friends education. In some circumstances I may post these items in two other locations, quakerquaker.org Virtual Friends School group, as well as www.virtualfriendsschool.org.

In trying to help myself, and possibly others, I have tried to retell some Biblical stories in "current" situations. One of those attempts, still needing revision, is the story of the Tower of Babel ( Gen 11:1-9) Part of the irony of my retelling is that I promote the development of students' own discipline and to take responsibility for their own education. However, the danger of self-centeredness is always present when individuals are encouraged to develop their independence.

Once upon a time all of the students at the Babylonian Friends School were required to attend assemblies. These students wandered the hallways but eventually reached the auditorium and began to settle down. They said to each other "Come let us decide to do our important work for classes that is to be graded." Some of them even decided to talk to each other rather than listen to the assembly. "Come" they said "Let us each decide our own education. Let us each build our own group to serve our own needs as we see them right now. Our knowledge exceeds those who make the decisions in this school. Let us make a name for ourselves and control our own destiny, or they may even make us listen to other things or learn to discipline ourselves." Then the teachers recognized the age-old "I'm Number One," and the attitude the students had developed. They said, "Here they are in an assembly or meeting designed to bring them together and provide growth, and now they have started to put themselves above the assembly. Henceforward they will have a hard time deciding to not put themselves above anyone, including teachers, parents, and employers. So let us point out to them what happens when confusion controls the school and one group does not and in fact can not understand what other students or groups are saying. Let them see what happens when students and others do not have respect for each other. Let them see that individuals or groups who place themselves above others find it difficult, if not impossible, to communicate with the whole community. They find it easy to fall into the trap of prejudice against races, beliefs, religions, and people who are different than they are.

"Moral" Without prejudice and self-centeredness people can communicate and work together to build towers of learning that do reach higher than any of their expectations. However, with prejudice and self-centeredness, confusion holds sway and advancement becomes slowed, if not completely destroyed.

Still Struggling

2009-05-10T22:40:00.002-04:00

Although I have commented relatively frequently on other people's blogs or quakerquaker posts, I have not posted a blog here for quite a while.

A Cloud of darkness still remains that is created by barriers that truthfully are beyond my control. I still find the presence of an ocean of light in most of my life. My family and current friends continue to provide a great deal of support but are unable, through no fault of theirs, to penetrate the darkness. I have known periods of darkness that seem to be internal and have been identified as minor bouts of depression, but this experience is much different. The beginnings looked like the cloud of darkness might overtake me, but through the trust and help of fFriends and especially family (with a great deal of support and love from my "better half," and that is not just an idle comment) I am clearly able to maintain connection with love, trust, and hope.

I have been working on taking down barriers and making openings for the Light and the Word, but this has still not been able to break through into "that" corner of my life. It apparently will be several months before any resolution of this darkness can be accomplished.

I regret the vagueness and obscurity of this post but I am unable to be any clearer due to unavoidable restraints placed on my comments. It is my intent to share much more when I am able. I trust that when the time comes any one who has had communication with me and continues to communicate with me will understand.

I have no true comprehension of the reason for posting this but I felt led to do so.

Forgive me my trespasses.

In Peace and Friendship,

Tom

New Beginning

2009-02-22T19:13:00.003-05:00

Within the last few weeks we have moved to Barnesville, Ohio in the Walton Retirement Home. The manner in which we made the connections to Walton certainly seem like true leadings. The time from preliminary inquiry to final decision was less than a month. We plan to make connections with Olney Friends School which is adjacent to Walton and to Stillwater Friends Meeting in Ohio Yearly Meeting Conservative.

There is still a major "cloud of darkness" which persists in my life, but it is with trust that we move forward with new surroundings. Walton is certainly simple by the standards of many Friends retirement places but we appreciate the simplicity and quietness which also provides an affordable place to live.

We have been spending a good deal of time in settling into our new location but I am feeling a renewed sense of involvement with Friends and my own Search. I hope to write a few posts from time to time.

Peace Efforts

2009-01-15T12:52:00.002-05:00

Although Chuck Fager (cf QuakerQuaker.org) makes several good points about expectations about the Peace Conference, I feel at least 2 things were missing, at least to some degree.

1) I believe the call to take away the occasion for wars is still a valid effort on the part of Friends when social action is taken on a local, national and international level with respect to communication and positive efforts (even if they may be very small compared to the war machine). [What was Margaret Mead's observation on big changes coming only from small dedicated groups?]

2) The efforts of FCNL on some of the concerns shared by the Peace Conference have been heard and have made at least some impact and I don't think they can be ignored.

Soaring in the Sun and Light

2009-01-05T12:44:00.005-05:00

Yesterday in Meeting I felt that nature was a reflection of my own spiritual situation. Our meeting is held on the 4th floor of a building on the Denison U campus which itself sits on a hill overlooking a shallow valley. There are buzzards that occupy the valley. Yesterday was cool, but not cold, and a blanket of very low clouds hung over the valley. The buzzards usually soar over the valley on heated air rising over parts of the ground.

Yesterday they stayed sitting on the roofs of the smaller campus buildings near by with little movement at all. It was as if the Spirit was blanketed and unmoving in me. I attributed this in part to my usual response to the Christmas blahs that I usually experience at this time of the year. Aside from the excitement and enjoyment of my family and the many blessings that are evident, I am discouraged by the commercialization, almost opposite approach to the holidays from the presence of Christ, and by the acts and statements of "christians" that do not represent the Spirit of Christ as shown in the Gospels or in the lives of many Christians in the past and even in the present.

However, I was reminded of the times that the buzzards soared easily and seemingly without any effort high into the atmosphere. Even on very cold days when the sun was shining, there were small pockets of heat rising from buildings, parking lots, etc. The buzzards required some effort to lift off from rooftops but several were able to soar in fairly tight circles for a remarkable length of time. Of course there were some birds that were unable to find the uplifts before the cold air and effort required they returned to a rooftop or a nearby tree.

These natural events seemed to mirror the spiritual events in some meetings for worship in which I have participated. Sometimes there seems to be a damper on the meeting and I come away feeling as if there was no uplifting spirit present, at least from my perspective. At other times there seems to be a very clear sense of uplifting and spiritual leadings that are very evident in my own experience but don't seem to be evident in other participants. Some times the experience appears to include some others present who share after meeting similar leadings. However, of most significance in my spiritual journey have been those few, seemingly too few but real nevertheless, times when the entire meeting seems to be lifted together and soar for a significant time together. I believe these were what have been called "gathered" meetings. At those times essentially everyone present, without prompting, shared similar experiences during meeting and felt a true unity that continued through the "social" time at the rise of meeting.

I pray for the "sonshine" and do realize that even with the clouds surrounding me the sun is still there shining and enlightening those that perceive.

[Most of the particular clouds that surround me at this point are very real personal difficulties that are"oppressive" but are beyond my control at the moment and have been ongoing for almost 2 years.]

Ocean of Darkness

2009-01-01T12:52:00.004-05:00

A new year and no new insights or light at the end of the tunnel.

A dark time for several reasons and so no blogging.

The one leading seems to be to withdraw from the Quaker blogosphere, since it does not seem to provide any real interaction and I seem to add very little if anything that prompts interaction.

Friends Testimony Pt 2 of 2

2008-12-05T17:36:00.003-05:00

Friends testimony has been applied to specific areas of life, many of which address the artificial barriers between humans and also between humans and the divine. Friends practice on simplicity has been, at least partially, to keep the human barriers at a minimum. Scrupulous avoidance of dishonesty in language and business dealings, of titles as a distinction of persons, and of excess in dress or life style are all expressions of a desire to avoid barriers to truth and directness in relationships. One of the emphases on equality and love for all has been a denial of all war since war tends to destroy individuals and place others on a much lower level "ourselves." We must love our enemies if we are to truly remove them as enemies and allow love and "that of God" to be recognized in everyone.

However, possibly of greater impact on the society than these denials of barriers have been the positive attempts to make the means of our lives in practice to match the ends for which we strive in faith. Friends have been among the first in several areas: treating prisoners with dignity and respect, possibly because so many of the early Friends had been prisoners themselves; dealing with the Native Americans on an equal basis; treating those of African descent as equals and worthy of freedom and dignity; establishing schools for everyone, male and female; allowing women to participate on an equal basis in activities of the Society; working towards treating natural resources and our world as precious gifts to be respected; and working for for economic and political justice so that all persons can pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Friends have tried to interpret equality and peace into more than the absence of war but an active cooperation among individuals, groups, and nations. It has been said that to NOT make peace may be as wrong as waging war.

This list is not meant to be exhaustive of all testimonies or concerns of Friends which have been and, of necessity, will be adapted to the needs of persons and the commands of the Spirit as we listen to, hear, and obey these as individuals and as a group.

Friends Testimony Pt 1 of 2

2008-12-04T20:51:00.002-05:00

My own perspective:

For the Friend all daily experiences are lived in the presence of the Spirit of God and all matters are to be examined by the individual and community in the Light that is "that of God in everyone." The emphasis in every aspect of life, emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical, is on a simple straightforward communication with God as experienced. This includes worship and thus no symbolic acts toward God are sufficient or necessary to fulfill God's requirements but our commitment must be listening to that "still, small voice" which speaks to all who would listen. No water is used as a symbol of a transformed life, but our unity with God's will and with our neighbor must be seen in our daily lives and in our public gatherings. No bread or wine is used as a symbol of the presence of Christ but this presence is to be experienced as it provides power to to live all of our lives in union with the Spirit of God. No clergy or choir is used to express what we each may experience as the Word which gives direction through our lives.

This expression of God's will is in all of human human experience: family, career, life style, government, society, et. al. Since everyone is given direct access to the Divine Presence in their own life and we are commanded to love everyone, there can be no distinction on the basis, of gender, race, age, ability, wealth, religion, or other worldly measure. There are no natural or fundamental barriers which stand between God and individuals nor between individuals. However, there are artificial barriers which individuals and groups do construct.

It is with these barriers that many of the Friends "testimonies" deal.

To be continued

Friends Testimonies SPICE?

2008-11-30T18:35:00.002-05:00

With regard to the acronym SPICE for Friends testimonies, I find it much too limiting and to a degree misleading. This implies a discrete list, like the 10 commandments. However, again like the "original" 10 commandments, much is left out. There is much disagreement as to just what should be included in the "Faith and Practice" of Friends, just as there is disagreement on just what are the 10 commandments. The Hebrew tradition doesn't necessarily have 10 commandments but rather the LAW. The Roman Catholics, Orthodox, and Protestants each seem to have slightly different versions of the 10 commandments drawn from a list of at least 13 separate statements in Exodus with a whole different version in other parts of the Torah.

I agree with those that say there was A Friends Testimony which has since been described in more explicit terms in varying forms in various "Disciplines" and "Faith and Practices." The Friends Council on Education has utilized SPICE as a short hand form to summarize these for students, parents, and teachers, the great majority of whom are not Friends. I have utilized the acronym and an added S for Stewardship that has been added by some in the more environmentally aware past few decades.

I am of an analytical mind that does tend to organize concepts into structures that seem coherent, convenient, and compact. Thus I have played with SPICE a little bit and am temporarily playing with the following:

Simplicity ... Stewardship

Peace-making ... Prophetic

Integrity ... Individual

Community .... Compassion

Equality ... Excellence

( ... implies some prepositions that may fit as/in/for/through/by/with )

Simplicity is not just for the sake of being plain but rather to allow others to share in all the resources and to indicate that material things are not to be sought for ones self)

Peace-making is a prophetic task in living for God's will rather than human occasions for war

Integrity of I AM in Truth as an individual

Community with compassion for each other

Equality of all as children of God but each with gifts/talents to be used as much as possible

Some of these sound "trite" and are definitely NOT my "full" intent, but without writing a "book" it seems impossible to express adequately or accurately my faith and belief.

Tom

A Positive Faith and Practice

2008-11-15T09:08:00.003-05:00

The last couple of weeks I have spent with my daughter, Emily, her husband, Bill, and our two GRAND children, Mary 5 and Tommy 2. There is no energy shortage in that household. I am reminded again that positive energy can be exhilirating but also exhausting. Too often I see and experience negative energy as depressing and exhausting. Although I was brought up in a "strict" household, [Do not play cards other than Rook (Boy, did I just date myself), No alcohol, No tobacco and that also meant "do not chew and don't go with girls that do,"] there always seemed to be a positive attitude toward what we should be doing and how we treat others. It was much less judgemental and much more expressing love. I have started this somewhat light-heartedly both because my current family (as well as memories of my childhood) lifts my spirits, but also to introduce some positive "spin" on the topic of "Church Discipline" or "Faith and Practice."

I saw other PKs (Preacher's Kids, I grew up in the home of a Friends Minister and Missionary) whose parent(s) usually SAID - DON'T do sin or the consequences will be severe, but who often did not express love very well and seemed to feel that they could impose on others due to their "status," and their PK became the "typical bad boy." (Obviously I don't buy the stereotype since I am one, but stereotypes usually have at least some basis in reality if not truth.)

As an adult student of religious thought and beliefs, especially those of Friends, I began to choose the Chrisitan commandments of = Love God, Love your neighbor. The "Golden Rule" of Chrisianity - Do unto others as you would have them do to you - seemed much more effective, as well as demanding, than what I understand from some of the more traditional "Eastern" (What is the best word or description?) command of - Do NOT do to others what you do NOT want done to you. This seems a subtle but powerful difference in approach to life. [I have an "Active Buddhist" friend who informed me that the positive approach is true of her Buddhist experience and she is one of the most FRIENDly people I know.]

{The "Quaker" [I am really beginning to believe we need to find a better/more descriptive "nickname" or just consistently use Friends, as confusing as that word might be for others] Testimonies recently have been referred to as not being clear enough as to their prohibitions in modern terminology as opposed to the earlier "Discipline." (M. Kelly "quakerranter.org") I appreciate much of what Martin says but on this point I have some disagreement.}

From my perspective the positive DO is more what early Friends were about rather than the DON'T. However, others at the time saw mainly the Don'ts, but the rapid rise of the number of Friends, in my belief, was largely due to the DOs. Examples:
PEACE (Although longer, I prefer Peacemaking)- I understand this testimony to be about Love your Neighbor, Do good to others, rather than Anti-war. "Take away the occasions of war," is needed at least as much if not more than "We will not fight." Friends need to be much more about relieving poverty, hunger, greed, etc. as the cuses of war rather than being against war.
SIMPLICITY - Keep the distractions to a necessary minimum so that the trappings of this world do not interfer with our doing the will of God and being able to focus on true "Wealth" in the old manner of Well Being . Woolman's "Plea for the Poor" was much more about using our material goods to help others rather than just not having material goods.
INTEGRITY - This was much more about telling the Truth and, excuse the modern phrase, talk the Talk AND walk the Walk rather than. I don't see the testimony as much against taking oaths (although the Biblical commandment is very valid but in reality seems to be more about "what" we swear on rather than just taking an oath.) as in telling the truth and living in the Truth.
EQUALITY - My take is not so much that for "political correctness" we need to avoid discriminatory language or behavior, but that we actually recognize that of God in everyone and work toward understanding others and "bringing them to Christ and leaving them there." "Refusing Hat honor" (not tipping your hat to others) was not so much against showing respect but rather to honor all humans and to recognize the only True Authority as that of the Spirit of Christ. It is not so much reaching the Lowest Common Denominator to equalize everyone but actually believing and acting so that everyone is capable of loving and being loved.

{I have intentionally scrambled the order of these testimonies from SPICE and left out one.}

I intend to expand on my view of the testimonies in the near future. I still am very new at blogging and am not sure how much is: flow of consciousness; expressing deeply held beliefs; espousing one's point of view; dialoguing; well reasoned arguments (obviously not from this blog); or a combination of these and others.

My "aversion" to writing has been that of being able to control my own thoought process. This is evident in the various forms of parentheses that I try to use to allow others to see into that process. I tend to use { }, and I am not sure how well different these symbols are duplicated in others computers, for insider comments usually meant for those who are familiar with similar language but that others may not identify with at all. [ ] is usually taken to mean, There goes my mind again bringing in a possibly tangential idea that I see the connection but others may see as a non-sequiter. ( ) is in the form of explaining to some who may not be familiar with a phrase, concept, etc. However, I am nothing if not inconsistent. [ In teaching I always told my students that I knew they actually were getting my sense of "humor" when they groaned rather than laughed.] I have very seldom been able to make myself edit my work without adding or subtracting thoughts. {I take too literally continuing revelation in that "nothing" I say or write is ever complete or finished.}

In Peace and Friendship

To know as we are known

2008-10-28T10:09:00.003-04:00

I trust that Parker Palmer will not mind my using his title for this post. I have a great deal of difficulty in determining a good title for each posting. Finding the "right" words remains a real challenge for me. My sentiments were once expressed in a couple of "Haiku" that I wrote. Haiku is in quotes because I know these are not true Haiku. However, for my more analytically inclined mind:
Simplicity is
A thought of five, seven and
Five syllable lines.

Expressions on paper
are still portraits of a mind
that is yet growing

Writing is etching
My innermost thoughts in a
Solid frozen trap.

Often I do feel trapped by my inadequacy/inability to put my beliefs, experiences, and thoughts into words.
Thus the title for my last blog "First Unknown Guide" may have given a different interpretation than the one meant. In response to a comment: Yes, I do believe in "God." However, I do not "know" who or what God is. Over the years there have been times that I have tended to avoid the use of the words God or Christ because I knew I did NOT mean what others were describing. I will give a few examples of my experiences and then try to give some expression to what I believe "God is."

I do NOT believe in God the Creator in the way that those who believe in Creationism or Intelligent Design do. I do not believe that the Genesis storIES describe historical FACTS in the way that many do. Genesis 1 and 2 give two different sequences of Creation which are mutually exclusive. One places Adam BEFORE plants and animals and THEN Eve is made from Adam. My view is that this was a cultural description of the way the world/society IS (at the time of the writing). Man was the "master" of gathering plants and hunting animals while Woman was to keep the "home fires burning" for him and to provide future generations. The other Creation story tries to describe the natural world as observed in relationship to people. The primary and largest factors were the earth, the sky, water, movements of the "heavens," and then the living things in an order that seemed to make sense from the human point of view with humans being the highest and some how different having the "breath of God." I strongly believe these to be true descriptions of the "human condition" as seen by the writers of Genesis.

I do NOT believe in a God that has been depicted by several "ministers of the gospel" I have known or read about who have made the following "statements:"
At the funeral of a six year old child the mother was told by the "minister" that it was a shame that the child was in hell because she had not been "saved."
My father, a minister, being told by his "fundamentalist" uncle, also a "minister," that he, my father, was going to hell because he did not have written in his Bible the DATE of his "salvation."
"God answers prayers so explicitly that if I am in a hurry I pray that God will turn the stoplights to green for me and I believe he will." (Not an exact quote, but as close as I can remember.)
God is He and sits on His throne in Heaven.
God is a She.
God is in 3 separate parts: God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
The hurricane was God's punishment for the sins of ...
AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality.
etc.

I DO believe that "God" is a "presence" that allows humans to make mistakes.
When I was asked "Where was God during the holocaust?" I did resort to anthropomorphism in saying: "God was there crying."
When I experienced, in a VERY few instances, a truly GATHERED meeting, God was "in the midst."
God provides strength and "power" to allow LOVE to overcome individual and group weaknesses to achieve "super"human accomplishments.
God's strength and presence was evident in Jesus' life.
The same strength and presence was and is evident in other individuals' lives. These individuals were and are not perfect but the kingdom of God became apparent as the will and intent of "God" was being done on earth in a physical way that demonstrated spiritual TRUTH and REALITY.

Some of these individuals are those who, at various times in my own search and journey, I have selected as "guides" to the path or way which I would like to follow but so often stray from. It is when I stray that I tend to look "back" to the way in which I have come and look for the "markers" left by other guides so that I may more closely follow the WAY. On only a VERY FEW occasions have I experienced the presence that shows me the way forward or leads me to a "clearing" where I can rest in the strength and power that lets me continue my search.

First Unknown Guide

2008-10-26T18:54:00.002-04:00

During my junior and senior years of high school my parent were Friends missionaries with Friends Africa Mission. I attended an American missionary school named Rift Valley Academy. It was several hours away by train from Kisumu the nearest "city" with train service. I was the only Friend attending and began to seriously study early Friends writing, including Barclay's Apology and George Fox's Journal. In addition I read the Bible from Genesis to Revelations at least twice straight through plus other readings for class assignments. Although religious practices were not the main topic of the teenagers there, because of the variety of backgrounds and the nature of the school, we did talk about the various "rituals" and beliefs of various Protestant denominations. Being at some distance with letter writing being the only means of communications with parents, my circle of friends at the school became very close. However, it was always at the breaks for one month every 3 months that I was able to connect with my parents and was guided "gently" in Friends faith and practice while watching their faith and practice at work in interacting with the African Friends and fellow missionaries. Several situations were eye openers as to those who walked the walk but also, to my surprise (although I had witnessed some of this before being a PK, preacher's kid, and observing other minsters) those who seemed to talk the talk but clearly did NOT walk the walk.

During January and February of my Senior year, I came very close to losing my parents. Of course they did not want to bother me at school and so it was almost 2 months later when I came home I learned how close they both had been to dying. My father had a severe case of thrombo-phlebitis and with a history of heart problems could easily have "thrown a clot" and had a fatal heart attack. My mother, who very unexpectedly had become pregnant in Africa after US doctors assured her she was well passed child bearing, had an emergency C-section and it was only through very fast and furious efforts that the Dr was able to close the incision before she would die due to loss of blood. The baby was worked on by the Dr and nurse for at least 20 minutes before she took her first breath. Because of these conditions they were returning to the States while I returned to school to finish my last trimester after which I would return to the States and head for college.

As was the custom the senior class at the school took a trip to a game park in southern Kenya at the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro. It was a beautiful, wonderful, awe inspiring trip with good friends. However, one night we were sitting around a blazing campfire sharing experiences. It was a clear dark night which revealed myriads of stars that cast a soft light to the surrounding austere landscape. The campfire and my friends cast a warm glow of physical and emotional quality and security. However, a sense of being alone and lost in a “darkness” which seemed inescapable overcame me. I began to fully realize how alone I might have been with the loss of my parents and my guides. As I came closer to despair, gradually a sense of hope and light began to reach my consciousness. I heard no “voice” but clearly had a sense that I was NOT alone and that whatever happened I would always have some"one" with me.

Although I have always remembered that moment, I regret that the strength, power, and assurance that came with that experience came at a time when I was going through a series of experiences that took "precedence" and I continued much as before. After graduation just a few weeks later in August, my best friend and I traveled to Athens, Rome, and London and spent a couple of days in each place. Then I went to college after just turning 17 and became immersed in my studies.

Forest and trees

2008-10-23T14:51:00.002-04:00

In considering my manner of blogging I have been given an image of a forest and my seeking a path or way in the forest. I am unclear as to whether my search will lead me through the forest or to a destination within the forest remains unclear.

One of the thoughts that triggered that image was the saying "You can't see the forest for the trees or you can't see the forest for the trees." Recently, in responding to the comments of some Friends, I realized that my reaction to the disagreement on the interpretation of words or passages in the Bible and in the writings of Early Friends was one of listening to comments on the very specific nature of a relatively narrow set of specific trees. (Being of a scientific nature and continuing the imagery of a forest I repetitively, redundantly used specific (re. species)) In earlier stages of my search (quest?) I examined very closely specific interpretations of Biblical passages using a number of different sources for the literal translations of the original language and for varying interpretations of the meanings. I was, and at times still remain, a very analytical INTJ student. However, I have reached the point at which I need to see the "larger picture" of the forest from numerous perspectives and am less focused on individual specifics.

My plan and hope is to share some of the path I have traveled along the way. In doing so I wish to recognize many "guides" and guide books that have helped and/or hindered in finding my way. I believe there is one True Guide that utilizes one Voice, but I have barely, even if that, had an experience of direct contact with that still small voice. However, I firmly believe that I have met many individuals and read many "guide books" that have helped in my understanding of the Way.

In this blog, I will describe my earliest experiences with such guidance and in future blogs continue the examination of other sources. At a very young age my two guides were my mother and father. I remember them both actually and metaphorically(?) holding one of my hands as I started to learn to walk on my own. My mother remained close at hand with a gentle voice and touch as I continued to grow. My father was present but often seemed to be going ahead along a familiar path for him and with his voice he acted as a guide. (He was a Friends minister who said he never worked on Sunday and saw his "job" as working himself out of a job as others accepted their own leadership and ministry.) His voice usually was meant for a larger audience than just me, but the fact that he walked 24/7 the walk that he talked led me to pay closer attention even when I wandered away on my own for a while. It seemed that he would travel ahead and then come back to point out aspects of the way which provided assistance to my own search. As I look back over the past 60 years or so, I have grown to appreciate those signs he left and can see that the guide he was following and the still small voice he obviously heard have become signs toward the True guide and the Voice.

He and my mother introduced me to one of the best, if not the best, guide book that I have used and continue to use, the Bible. He also introduced me in my early teen years to George Fox's Journal and Barclay's Apology, but trusted me to do most of my exploration of those guide books on my own.

I began to realize the path I was seeking was one of great beauty and diversity while at the same time containing many snares, tangled underbrush, masses of brambles, and other barriers, some of which seemed insurmountable but through which the path led.

I have many doubts about my undertaking this "journal/blog" but do have a distinct feeling of being led in this direction. By whom or toward what end is seen "through a glass (mirror?) darkly" but trust that my journey will lighten my continuing search for the Way.

Seeking Quakers

2008-10-21T11:36:00.003-04:00

As a follow up to my last blog and to provide a reason I chose SeekerQuaker as the name for this blog, I would like to share a couple of statements made by Arthur Eddington in his 1929 Swarthmore lectures titled "Science and the Unseen World." My attitude toward a "sureness" of what the Bible teaches or what early Friends meant is based on a seeking which I believe reflects "continuing revelation." I distrust those who proclaim that they Know what the Bible means and if we would just read the Bible the way they read it, we would know the Truth. Likewise the Truth of the early Friends is "walking the walk" in the here and now as WE, not I, are led. The "truths" of Dalton's atomic theory are now much different that he proposed and many would say he was "wrong." However, the more we uncover about the atom the more we still don't know the "Truth" about the atom but Dalton clearly was setting us on the "way to the truth" about atoms and their relationship to the physical world. In the same manner, I believe the Old Testament, New Testament, the testimony of early Friends, and the testimony of the countless others that travel the way established by the "Giants that went before" is the Way to Truth. Nevertheless unless we travel that "living path" for ourselves, the past does not guarantee that we shall know the truth.

"In its early days our Society owed much to a people who called themselves Seekers; they joined us in great numbers and were prominent in the spread of Quakerism. It is a name which must appeal strongly to the scientific temperament. The name has died out, but I think that the spirit of seeking is still the prevailing one in our faith, which for that reason is not embodied in any creed or formula"

"Rejection of creed is not inconsistent with being possessed by a living belief. We have no creed in science, but we are not lukewarm in our beliefs. The belief is not that all the knowledge of the universe that we hold so enthusiastically will survive in the letter; but a sureness that we are on the road. If our so-called facts are changing shadows, they are shadows cast by the light of constant truth. So too in religion we are repelled by that confident theological doctrine which has settled for all generations just how the spiritual world is worked; but we need not turn aside from the measure of light that comes into our experience showing us a Way through the unseen world. Religion for the conscientious seeker is not all a matter of doubt and self-questionings. There is a kind of sureness which is very different from cocksureness."

Scientific Quakers

2008-10-14T10:14:00.002-04:00

Having just read Karen Armstrong's new book "The Bible," I was reminded of George Fox's comment: "This I knew experimentally." I believe most Friends would tend to substitute "experientially" for experimentally. However, I think Fox might have used the word intentionally and in its modern meaning. Francis Bacon was fairly well known in English circles of the early 1600's as a "counsellor" to King James I. He stressed the need to examine all things by the "stringent methods of empirical science." Fox as a seeker may well have become aware of Bacon's ideas as he struggled to find answers. Fox also may have understood his observations and experiences as a means of gathering empirical evidence.

Fox and Isaac Newton lived in the same general area of England at the same time in the last half of the seventeenth century. It is entirely plausible that, although they may not have met, they were aware of each other's ideas.

Many Friends followed in their search for answers within both the scientific and religious areas. Dalton, an Englishman not too far removed in place and time from Newton, was convinced that there were only a discrete limited number of simple "objects" which gave rise to the great diversity of all things in nature. His "atomic theory" seems to have been derived from a vast number of empirical/experimental observations and a grasp of understanding an unseen world which at its base was very simple.

In the decades and centuries following Fox, the portion of well known scientists who were Friends at some point in their lives is far greater than that of Friends in the general population.

My own personal search for truth and reality has included being a student of science with a growing awareness of "The more I know; the more I know I don't know." This opening of further awaiting insights and mystery is analogous to my spiritual search in that the more "sure" I become of the strength and power of Truth and Reality, the more I am convinced that I am only a novice at understanding, but I am also more and more convinced that "This I know experimentally."

Fund Raising for Friends

2008-10-11T15:19:00.003-04:00

The functions of this blog includes the expression of my experiences and the effects on my search. One of the "in the world but not of the world" realities which of necessity has been major factors in my dealings with Friends' institutions is Fund Raising. I have experienced 2 rather opposite attitudes on the part of Friends schools.

One was that first and foremost a private school is a BUSINESS and the bottom line is the major factor in decisions. Secondly a Friends School is a school. In addition, by the way this is a school known as a Friends School so we need to provide at least some aspects that might be called "Quakerly." I understand that a private school has to involve business sense and academic excellence. However, as a Friends school this should not involve exclusiveness by only accepting students who are already excellent students nor by providing preference to people who not only can afford the fairly high tuition but can also be financial benefactors to the school.

On the other hand, it seems entirely too idealistic to base a Friends school on three principles which "sound" good but show no "common sense." The 3 principles, established by a Board of Directors, in order of importance were 1) Completely tuition dependent so that no fund raising would need to be done; 2) Low tuition to provide an opportunity for more people to afford an alternative education; 3) To insure as much diversity as possible, a very high rate of scholarships for those who can't afford full tuition. I believe the intent was Friendly in trying to provide an excellent education to as many students as possible. However, the assumption required the facility to be essentially bare and for the faculty to be essentially volunteers.

It seems self-evident that the first situation provided the basis for a successful private school, but probably one that could be called elite and exclusive. The school continues to be well established.

The second situation led to a lack of support for administrative attempts to develop fund raising even among the Board itself and among the constituency of Friends. This school survived for 7 years at a very high cost to faculty and administrators who eventually were unable to continue financially or in a sense of trust in support for the school.

In my first few blogs, I am unable or (unwilling(?)) to separate the highly influential "physical" events from my spiritual search. However, these events have only reaffirmed my commitment to a search for the spiritual power and strength that has been found by many seekers and led them to lives that expressed the Love of God and of Neighbor.

Biblical Truth

2008-10-10T09:34:00.003-04:00

I think the early 19th century split(s) among Friends led to the "two" sides continuing to widen their differences and diverge from the center. As a student of science I see this as a division between 2 similar poles (of the Christian spectrum) of a magnet which creates a repelling effect. In the specific example of the view on the authority of the Bible, I think this is quite clear. Early Friends seem to have a fairly balanced view that the written word and spiritual experience were of the same Word. However, as the more urban Friends became much more associated with the culture of "Mainline Protestants" and sought a clearer source of direction among the different influences in an urban setting, the tendency was to emphasize a common source that was easily identifiable. The rural Friends, on the other hand, tended to rely more on a common experience which they shared in their community and was less "formal" and more individual.

This has led to the relatively extreme views among current Friends. On one hand we have those that take the "Bible" as literally true in its entirety. This includes justification for war since the Lord commanded "his people to destroy the enemy," and the acceptance of the creation stories as literally true. I find it sadly ironic that the more loudly some Friends call themselves Christians the more they seem to emphasize the ultimate authority of the "Old Testament" and seem to be less literal about the Sermon on the Mount and Matthew 25.

However, on the other hand there are Friends who seem to pride themselves on not referring to the "Bible," but prefer to speak of the "I Ching," Buddhist writings, Jewish mystics, etc. as a source for their spiritual leadings. In extreme, this is taken as "whatever."

I find great truths in the writings of many religions and spiritual groups. I also believe that the Word of these truths is "Truth." I find a strong reliance on the "Word" of the Gospels in early Friends and I continue to find much enlightenment from studying the Bible. I find the call of "DO UNTO OTHERS" a profound responsibility and often find a passive reassurance in not doing to others what you do not want done to yourself.

Some of my reluctance to blogging is knowing where to end each "blog" as while expressing ideas I usually make connections which sometimes lead to better and more expressive ideas, but, at least as often if not more so, lead to being repetitively redundant ;-} or getting into lots of particulars that seem detractions and distractions from the more spiritual leadings. For example, the question arises on the literalness of Genesis. What was the order of creation? Plants, animals, and then man and woman, or was it Adam, plants, animals, and then Eve? From my perspective, they WERE both true. The first chapter describes the complexity of the natural physical world as seen by humans. The second chapter describes the social order of the time about which it was written. MAN was the master of gathering and hunting, and WOMAN was subordinate to MAN and took care of the immediate family and household.

Well, here goes

2008-10-08T20:14:00.002-04:00

I have decided to take the plunge and join the blogging world. I still have some misgivings about sending out missives. "I shot an arrow into the sky. I have no idea where it will land." My major themes will tend to be related to Quaker history and current thought, but my view derives from my experiences as a lifelong Friend who has worked with all 5 major categories of Friends in America, as well as those in Jamaica and Kenya, and occupied an endowed chair in Friends "Faith and Practice." I also have studied and taught various sciences, "world religions," Biblical texts, Quaker History, and a series of courses I called "Search for Truth and Reality."

I hope to share as the "spirit leads" and the "way opens." I currently am intrigued by "convergent Friends," "universalist Friends," and many of the distractions/divisions evident in the various "brands" of Friends in the world.

I know this sounds like I obviously will overextend my knowledge and experiences. However, I feel led to continue my journey of examination of my own life and learning while sharing these explorations and leaving the results to the spirit of Christ which I understand to be available and working with everyone regardless of the "name" used for ultimate truth and reality